Thursday, November 27, 2008

The Great 2008 Turkey Debacle

Thanksgiving season WAS (as in past tense) off to a really great start for me. I am the official 'Baker 'O Pies' because that's pretty much the only part of the meal I care for (I'm not a homestyle food kind of gal). I spent 2 days baking a gazillion and one mini-pies.

The downside to making mini-pies is that they are a dang lot of work! I spent all month surfing for great recipes but, true to form, procrastinated the actual pie production until the Tuesday and Wednesday before Thanksgiving. This created a lot of pressure because I kicked into that stupid 'I WILL have everything perfect mode'. A pointless thing for me because I can't DO perfect no matter how badly I want to.

The meal started off well enough with tons of beautiful food cooked by various family members. My sister Jen cooks an amazing turkey every year and Rusty, her husband, is the master turkey carver. The turkey platter was filled with perfectly cooked, perfectly trimmed and artfully arranged slices of Thanksgiving bird. At least, it was BEFORE I got my hands on it.

That's not at all how it looked by the time I finally passed the plate. I was holding the platter and dishing up turkey to the little ones when I somehow managed to unbalance the whole thing and dump it on the floor! THE TURKEY!

It was sort of like in the movies- you know, when the person is yelling "Nooooooooooo" in slo mo as the slices of turkey fly every which way before landing in a heap on the carpet. All we needed to complete that scene from 'A Christmas Story' was the Bumpkis hounds.

It took me a moment to fully grasp what I had just done. I would like to claim I was in shock because this next part is even MORE embarrassing. As I'm frantically trying to grab turkey off the floor while supportive family members yell "10 Second Rule!", my brother-in-law decided to add some levity to the situation.

Except that his version of 'funny' wasn't very funny to my humiliated self and I sorta unloaded on him. It was only one sentence but it did contain the words 'donkey' and 'donut hole'- in a slightly different version. Not everyone heard it at the time but, in my family, you can be sure that everyone heard about it after.

I was so horrified that I had not only dropped the bird but verbally flipped my Brother-in-law the bird that I ended up leaving the room. Now, I didn't run off dramatically or anything like that. I just didn't come back after taking the platter back to the kitchen. I was so embarrassed and humiliated. First I drop the turkey then I cuss at my Brother-in-law. In one fell swoop I'd turned it into a 'White Trash' Thanksgiving Extravaganza. Not exactly what I had in mind as I made all those Martha Stewart-ish pies!

As I was sitting downstairs trying to figure out how I could possibly make a graceful re-entrance after my inglorious exit, my Sweet Pea came and found me and helped make it less embarrassing for me. Bless him.

The upside is that my BIL isn't the type to hold a grudge (I think he is still laughing) and my family is pretty forgiving too. I apologized to him for lashing out at him and he accepted my apology. My family was rather surprised by my little melt down since I'm generally a pretty laid back person. I guess we all have our moments.

They all tell me that at some point I WILL laugh about it. I'm getting there. One thing I know for sure- they'll NEVER let me live this one down. At every Thanksgiving Dinner for the rest of my life SOMEONE will make a quip about not letting me touch the turkey platter. Heck, they weren't even going to have the good grace to WAIT until next year- the teasing has already begun. It's okay though, if it happened to someone else I'd be the first person to tease so I guess I'd better suck it up and take it!

Greg told me I needed to blog about today but I wasn't going to do it. TOOOO embarrassing. He said it would be 'cathartic'. The bloggy friends I met for lunch today made me PROMISE I'd actually post this as well. So, here it is. Yet another attempt at perfect-gone-wrong post for your entertainment. What can I say? I guess it's just me being me.

22 comments:

in time out said...

okay, i LOVE that you BLOGGED this. thank you. we are all human. our mistakes, and our re-entrances are part of each of our lives. we just don't generally talk about it. i made a re entrance to my family thanksgiving this year after YEARS of separation. WOW> I don't have the courage to BLOG that. But I feel better after reading yours. Thanks you for sharing something so embarrassing to you. I found it delightful to read, and i just want to hug you. so ((((HUGS)))), and ♥♥♥ ---

♥happy turkey recovery day♥

in time out said...

hey, the happy turkey recovery day, i say that to everyone today...i didn't mean anything about the turkey incident that you had yesterday. as soon as i hit post i realized what i had said, and how it would totally mean something different to you....so i made a re entry to say....i didn't mean it that way.

sorry. thanks for the sharing. ♥

binders said...

Oh, believe me, I have required some recovery today. The good news is that now that I 'blew' I've been feeling, much, much more like my normal carefree self.

I'm even able to laugh about it now- at least a little anyway!

Redhoodoos said...

Oh my goooooooodness. That is a doozy of a story. I know your family and I can only imagine the reaction. Good gads. I love that you blogged about your oops. You are one hilarious gal - Binders. I know you will soon be laughing.

At least you don't wreck driver's ed cars and/or burn down brand new cars.

Tink said...

Yay! You DID it! You blogged about the "white trash Thanksgiving" ha! It just makes you all the more loveable to know that you are human and we all make these mistakes!! I'll never forget a girlfriend of mine who works at the church offices and who rarely cusses...she went to sit down in the overflow and missed her chair and she yelled out "Sh*#" as she hit the floor. She wanted to die and crawl out the door as everyone looked at her in shock! Ha. We all have our moments. And...I loved meeting you all for lunch. It was sooo fun getting to know each of you. We live so close together so we'll definitely have to get together more often! You're a gem! Have a great rest of the weekend!!

Messy Jess said...

Thank you for entertaining me. If I could figure out how to make awards and hand them out I'd give you the best Thanksgiving story award!!

Messy Jess said...

P.S. those pies looked delicious!

tammy said...

I love the real stories. Too many people only blog the perfect stuff. At least it happened with family and not earlier in life like your first Thanksgiving with your hubby's family, or at a church function or something. You'll be laughing about it next year.

Jan said...

I am so sorry about everything Binders. But one thing is for sure. I have never seen a turkey fly before and you Have. :0 Sorry, I had to say that. Hope you are having a great day to day though.

nikkicrumpet said...

I think hubby was right. First it makes us all feel like sisters in disaster...because we've all been there in one form or another...and second it did give me kind of a chuckle that you called your BIL that name hehe. I'm sure you're right...he's still laughing. You will laugh about this...at least it was family and not some fancy schmancy dinner party in front of people who don't love you. And I bet your pies were a BIG HIT!

Megan Rees said...

As an actual OBSERVER of this incident (and I had front row seats because I was right across the table from the offending BIL) I have to affirm that it's pretty much exactly as Binders has decribed it. And yes, I'm afraid she's right when she says she'll never be allowed to touch the turkey platter unscathed again. No one would let her near the gravy dish. And bless her, she didn't try. You rock, Bind. It's all good!

The Empty Envelope said...

*hugs* Good for you for getting it out there. I had one of those days Fridays. In fact, I thought about not going out to dry laundry, I was having such a disastrous day. But. I needed dry towels. I was just extra careful!

Joy said...

{{{hugs}}} OH man how easily this could have happened to me! With the same results! I have had my share of Holiday Meltdowns...ask my family!

Bobbi Jo said...

You know that blogging this will make it better for you and easier to get over it sooner. You poor thing. I am so sorry but it was kind of funny. Hope you are doing better. Hugs, Bobbi Jo

Rhonda said...

I LOVE this post. You are so funny... and you know what? Isn't that what families are for? SOunds like you have a great family who loves you tons.

Mechelle said...

So it is one holiday that you will never forget right? M

Laurie - Decorating Fanatic said...

Oh my! Well, that certainly made for an interesting day! I know, right now it's a little too soon but I bet in a week you will be able to let out a little chuckle or two. Thanks for sharing it! Just popping in to say that I tagged you! na-na! Stop by to read all about it. well now your turkey story will really be out in the open! ahh! deep cleansing breaths now...there that's it! ;) ~ Laurie

Kelly Stoddart said...

That was so funny. Thanks for posting it. I think we all have something that we have done at Thanksgiving that for some reason family members seem to never forget and bring it up every stinkin year.

Fe2O3 said...

You need to get the pic of my perfect Turkey Tray from Nicki and add it to the post. Then everyone will know that not all of your brothers-in-law are donkey-divots.

You absolutely know that had it been anyone else that dropped the platter you would have been incapacitated by debilitating laughter for at least 20 minutes. It was a fun dinner. Glad you confessed, er, blogged about it.

Cynthia said...

Rusty- you have no idea how timely your comment was. One of the kids left a round Christmas ornament (thankfully it was plastic) on the stairs for reasons I'll never understand.

Greg hit that thing just right and fell down the stairs- his bowl of Funeral Potatoes flying everywhere! I checked him out thourouly and he appears to be okay. 10 minutes later I busted out laughing- the visual image him failing and the potatoes splating had me laughing so hard.

Poor guy. I reminded him he had the chance to laugh at me Thursday. He, of course, is way to kind to do that. Unfortunately for him, I can't resist physical comedy. Poor Little Bunny.

Carole said...

I feel your pain. Once, as a teen, I got so mad at my brother for eating a piece of garlic bread I had saved in the fridge (this is after years of him gobbling down all the good food in our house before I could ever get to it) that I actually jumped up and down like the cartoon characters do and yelled at him. That was over 20 years ago, and I still get ribbed about it.
You can only hope next year someone else does something even stupider to take the heat off you. :-P

Michelle said...

Ohhh thank you so much for sharing this story! It provided a much needed laugh today! I hope that it doesn't take you long to find the humor in the situation because you did a fabulous job of telling the tale!

Oh and about Bolt, yes I thought it was a VERY cute movie (although a tad long for my 18 month old to pay attention to) and totally worth seeing. My husband even got a little teary eyed at one part. Then again, maybe it's just his time of the month. :)