Honestly, it hasn't hit me as hard as I thought it would but that's probably because I went through my "Mid-Mom" Crisis phase already- whined about that already too! Even so, it's tough NOT to be introspective at a time like this!
My life has thus far turned out pretty much like I imagined it as a youngster- and I don't take that lightly. It's been a lot harder to get "here" than I expected but that's a universal truth- you're unlikely to find ANY 40 year olds who wouldn't agree with that sentiment! There is also a certain freedom in turning 40 which I plan to fully embrace. In the spirit of that idea:
Things I've done the past 20 years that I won't do in the NEXT 20 years:
#1. Have one-sided friendships. I have matured enough to no longer feel a duty to 'fix' people in order to feel like I have worth- I'm letting that Savior complex go! The perfect person for that job has already done it! Besides, just because I interpreted that the person needed fixing didn't mean they wanted it. My time will be spent on friendships where we're "equally yolked", sharing joys, problems and sorrows from equal footing. I owe this epiphany entirely to my spouse who told me that instead of wondering why troubled people always chose me for a friend I should instead look at my own self and ask why I chose them. It was not a flattering answer!
#2- Worry so much about failing. I've failed enough to know I can handle it, and learn. Some things I can fail and and get over quick but others will really haunt me. Enough of that already!
#3- Be so concerned with what others think. Okay, who am I kidding? That one is still a work in progress!
#4- Let my sense of self be dictated by external forces. It's one thing to believe I'm not as bad as my failures (and I've struggled with that) but it's equally true that I am not as good as my accomplishments. They are both just stuff I've done and neither defines my value as a person.
#5- Assume that there is always tomorrow. While I may have struggled a lot with the relationship with my recently deceased brother-in-law, he absolutely embodied the idea of packing in all the experiences you can today because none of us are guaranteed tomorrow. Since he only had 48 years of living, it's a good thing he made an incredible adventure of it and left his kids with many amazing memories. I want to do more of that (but in a very different way than he did)!
Things I'll probably still do (even if I wish I didn't sometimes) over the next 20 years:
#1- Chase squirrels. Figuratively anyway. I'll always be a junkie for that next new project or skill or event. I will always need that stuff to occupy my mind and give me joy in having something interesting to think about, whether I act on it or not. I'm all about the high that comes from the implementing the next big idea (and I have a couple of those coming online this year)!
#2-Get excited about silly things. My Dad taught me that people who can find joy in the little dumb things in life will always have a reason to be happy!
#3-Laugh at physical comedy. My spouse may shake his head when I laugh at the tv shows like 'Wipeout' but I am always going to find that stuff funny!
#4- Think my spouse is the most adorable "NFL-sized Princess" ever. Oh that I could elaborate on why, it's hilarious! Hopefully he'll continue to tolerate my teasing and quirks for the next 20 years too!
#5- Burn the candle at both ends- too little sleep and too much on my plate (that's a choice I still haven't figured out yet) but every time I offload items from said plate, I find new ones to put back on it. I suppose it comes back to item #1 above!
I have likely lived half or nearly half of my life now. Maybe less, maybe more. I'm grateful for the opportunities I have been given and the life we've made. Here's to hoping there are even more great things in store!
11 comments:
I thought I heard 40 was the new 20? Or at least 25:)
I quit thinking about age a long time ago. I'm determined not to think about it until age starts slowing me down.
At 60, I'm still going strong.
Happy Birthday. You are just a youngster!
Sounds like you have a good bucket list going.
Happy Birthday! Here's to chasing squirrels and burning the candle on both ends!
I should probably clarify that when I say 'unequal friendships' I am referring to those who ONLY call me when they have a big problem. I don't mind helping with problems it's just that I want to be a friend in the good times too. I've had a few friendships where I was just the dumping ground for problems but when things got better they never called etc.- until a problem came up again.
I should probably clarify that when I say 'unequal friendships' I am referring to those who ONLY call me when they have a big problem. I don't mind helping with problems it's just that I want to be a friend in the good times too. I've had a few friendships where I was just the dumping ground for problems but when things got better they never called etc.- until a problem came up again.
My husband turns 40 on his next birthday and suddenly "middle age" doesn't seem anywhere near old. I've learned a lot since 20 (enough to know that I still have a lot to learn!)
I am only a couple of years behind you. I try not to think about age. It is just a number. My best friend is 51.
I completely get what you mean by one-sided friendships. Life is too short to try to change those.
I am also on board with not worrying so much about what people think. It is a work in progress. I worry about it too much.
I hope you enjoy the next 40 years.
Hi, I just stumble acrossed your site. Made me laugh and smile! I'm in my mid forties. What I liked about my turning 40 was that I realized I had become comfortable with who was. It's hard to explain but it's like I had this surge of confidence and everything that I worried or fretted about no longer matter. From your reading your site I know you will it be a smooth transition and you will enjoy it.
I will soon be 38 and I am definitely not feeling this old;p I also found out I will be a grandma lol;p well, I hope I can keep a positive outlook when I turn 45, 50 and 60;p I hope by then some of the cosmetic companies have even more miracle creams;p
I turned 40 two weeks ago...really enjoyed this post and I echo many of your sentiments!
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