Creative Chaos

Grumpy

2012-01-21T23:16:00.000-08:00

Grumpy is a character owned by Walt Disney. I will probably be sued for using his image here because Disney does stuff like that. But I'm grumpy so I'll post him anyway. Hrumph!

I have to confess. I have been really grumpy lately. Really grumpy. I have a pretty tolerant spouse and even he is concerned with how grumpy and frustrated I've been. Poor guy. It kinda freaks him out and transports him back to 6 years of his life he'd just as soon forget where mere 'grumpy' was a good day!

I don't WANT to be grumpy. It's not me. I'm disgustingly chipper and upbeat- which is not to say I"m always Polyanna and positive, just usually in a good mood. I can't really even point to what's stressing me out so much- it's all just regular life stuff.

We've always been the house where kids come to play and I think I've been way to lax about it all. In fact, this weekend my 12 year old nephew Gabe told me that he loves to come to our house because "you don't have lots of rules and stuff so it's more fun at your house". Therein lies the problem!

So, organized Moms, enlighten me. How the heck do you get kids to follow through with chores WITHOUT yelling or guilting? Everyone seems to want to keep living like they still have a stay-at-home Mom who does 90% of the work. Even if I WERE still a SAHM, it's time for the kids to take on more responsibility for their own stuff- the twins are certainly old enough to do their own laundry! Has anything worked for you? Am I too late? Did I expect too little for too long so now I'm toast? This Grumpy Mom wants to know because I can't stand feeling grumpy and resentful anymore. Plus, my Husband would like to get his wife back. The one who was fun and light-hearted. He's adorably grumpy (not irritated grumpy like me) and I think he's not liking my bustin' his gig!

I'm Speaking at SNAP! Creativity Conference!

2012-01-18T21:53:00.000-08:00

I am so excited I can hardly stand it! But I HAVE stood it because I've known for a couple of months now that I'll be on a panel at the SNAP! Creativity Conference this Spring at Thanksgiving Point!!! What I didn't know is how many amazing speakers they would line up- seriously, it's an all star line-up of super awesome blogs. And yes, I totally know I'm out of my blog league but I'm gonna smile like I've earned it anyway! I'm not the best blogger but I can bring it when it comes to my little piece of the design world.

I am participating as a panelist discussing ways to bring the natural world into your decorating- or your decorating into the natural world, works both ways! I feel pretty good about that because there will be several other women on the panel so I won't feel quite so conspicuous. I am not afraid of public speaking, I do it all the time, I am just a wee bit intimidated by the sheer awesomeness of the other women. I'm so excited to attend this Conference and be inspired by all their ideas and DIY magic!

Is anyone going? Come on, you know you want to! Oh- and the reason they selected me to speak is because of my OTHER blog (the one I thought no one read!), Utah Garden Blogs.

She's Running!

2012-01-05T14:28:00.000-08:00

Disclaimer: If you've read this blog you might know I'm pretty politically active. I try NOT to talk politics on this blog though because it can be polarizing. When I do talk politics, I don't type out the name of the politician least their detractors find it via a google search and show up on my personal blog to say crappy stuff. And yes, they would.

Today one of my friends announced that she will be seeking a seat in the US Congress. She is amazing! I'm pretty sure Washington DC wouldn't know what to do with a brilliant, articulate, CONSERVATIVE, black Mormon woman- but I sure hope we get to find out. Rock it, Mia!

It's Word of the Year Time Again!

2011-12-31T00:12:00.000-08:00

I have participated in the Blogland "Word of the Year" trend for the past 2 years. The first year I chose the word DARE!!! (the three exclamation points = the famed 'triple dog dare'). I totally kicked my own butt in year one and had some wonderful achievements to show for it. Synopsis here.

For 2011, and after a bit of bobbling, I chose the word 'Cultivate'. A bit more subdued than DARE!!! but a good word for this year. 2011 was all about nurturing the new pursuits from the DARE!!! (yes it has to be in red) year and growing the opportunities from seedlings of hope to fruits of our labors. I did that for the most part.

Our family has grown a lot this past year too. In July Greg decided he was finally ready to complete that Bachelor's Degree he had to abandon after the twins were born in 2000. He's done extremely well in school but it means he has less time for home stuff than he used to (full time work + full time student) and thus I've had even more opportunities to 'cultivate' here on the home front. Cultivate may have been MY word of the year but Greg seems to have done more of it than I have! I am so proud of him and all he accomplished this year, most of which he won't want me ~~bragging~~ blogging about!

Some areas have slumped this year- I miss having more time to cultivate friendships as I did when I was an at-home Mom. I miss my friends!

If growing counts as cultivating then I will admit I also 'grew' my weight this year. Ack! I'm right back where I was a couple years ago before the weight loss of 2009. Sigh. I suspect this will ALWAYS be a battle for me. I do so love to eat ~~good~~ naughty food! There are a few other areas that didn't really come together this year as I'd hoped as well so that's the reason for the 2012 Word of the Year which is:

Stewardship

Weird word, I know, but hear me out. I knew what I wanted my word to convey but nothing I thought of seemed quite right. First and foremost, my goal for the year is to 'reduce' and not just my weight! However, reduce has kind of a negative connotation and the most important aspect of a Word of the Year for me is that it needs to be positive- something to live up to that expresses what I want, not what I wish I didn't have. I thought of 'Prepare' but that's too doomsday and dire. Ugh. 'Fortify' is also good but it's odd in a 'the world will end in 2012' kind of way. Not what I'm going for!

noun

the position and duties of a steward, a person who acts as the surrogate of another or others, especially by managing property, financial affairs, an estate, etc.

the responsible overseeing and protection of something considered worth caring for and preserving: New regulatory changes will result in better stewardship of lands that are crucialfor open space and wildlife habitat.

I can't really think of anything that is more worth preserving and caring for than my family. Since I can't bubble wrap the kids, I'll have to find more productive ways to do it. The use of the word "oversee" in that definition is also important because it's an action word which means active engagement in whatever endeavor is underway.

My sister, Nicki, gave us a head start on this goal by gifting us the legal forms we need to set our affairs in order in the event of death or disability. We know what we would want and have expressed our wishes to family- but it's not in writing. It's not fun to deal with this stuff but having lost Greg's brother this past year and has us committed to taking care of this important business. Hopefully we can check this one off the list quickly!

I would also like to be a better steward of our finances, our health, the scholastic progress and opportunities for our kids, of the responsibilities entrusted to me at work, of the too-much-stuff-in-our-home, caring for extended family and so many other things that I can't even think of yet! This year will be about fortifying, reducing, and preparing- all of which are neatly covered under the positive word "Stewardship". It's a little stodgy and old fashioned but it will work!

I am also trying a new thing with a 'Family' word or phrase of the year. I'd like us to pull together in a specific direction and I think the kids are old enough to get it. I guess I'll find out when we decide on the family word or motto for the year on New Years Eve!

Have you chosen your "Word of the Year", Motto, Goals, etc.? What are you hoping to accomplish in 2012?

How Do YOU React to Criticism?

2011-12-20T23:51:00.000-08:00

I was offended today. I spoke to a woman I am acquainted with about the new program I'm working on at my job that I'm pretty excited about because I thought she may want to lend some of her expertise to help. Instead, she totally shot me down- and then reloaded.

The Pre-Criticism Phase:

Criticism hurts most when it's directed at a place we're a little insecure. For me, it began when I shared with someone I THOUGHT I respected my intent to create a "Garden Club" which will meet in our new state-of-the-art Ed Center each month. I didn't want to host a generic club based on an outdated 1910 model so I'm blazing a new trail.

My concept turns the old-school model on it's head and is completely modernized- including updated topics (like how to 'upcycle' furniture finds or build the 'curb appeal' of your home), use of online resources and creation of a unique volunteer leadership structure for the Club. I even get to bring in a SUPER AWESOME DUO (hint, hint) to speak at the kick-off event in June and several mini-class teachers who I'm still figuring out but I'm sure they'll be great! Have budget, will spend it!

Can you see I'm excited? Excitement can sometimes be bad because it causes me to ASSUME that others will be equally excited. Not true.

I shared my idea with someone I thought may help but it turns out she thinks it's an AWFUL idea that is sure to fail. She thinks it's too "homemaker-ish" which is apparently uncool. None of THAT offended me per se, though I was disappointed by the quick dismissal.

The Offended Phase:

While I can respect that what I propose isn't her cup of tea, it was the stuff she shared next that had me dropping my jaw. In her opinion women here in Utah and, in Mormon culture in general, are too repressed. To her, a DIY-style Home and Garden Club is a step backwards in the progress of women and is DEMEANING to women. It's also too "Mormonish" of a thing to do. Really? REALLY???!!!!

I just deleted the paragraph where I freak out about the ridiculousness of that assumption- add your own comments about that opinion in your brain. I'll wait...

Suffice it to say, I was offended!

And I blew off some steam- but not in front of her because that would have been inappropriate (showing some of that repression I may have mistaken for social graces).

And then I calmed down after awhile.

And then I started second guessing myself.

What the heck am I doing, anyway?

The Pathetic Phase:

The next phase of me responding to criticism devolves to the pathetic point where I start to doubt the previous excitement/decision. And myself. In this case, I don't think for a moment that she's right about things which are 'Holly Homemaker' being demeaning. She's welcome to her opinion and I'm welcome to think that it's a pile of #*@&^.

No, the pathetic part is that I let it smash my confidence and allowed her disdain of my idea to feel personal (she did not intend it as a personal attack on me) and, worse, make me feel inferior. Eleanor Roosevelt would be so disappointed!

I think the concept is still good but the weak link is ME! She never called into question my competence to do it, at least not to me, but her aversion made me think perhaps I CAN'T do it? This is "Cool Girls Table" stuff and I'm never going to qualify to sit at there! I'm nearly 40 but had those old Jr. High feelings of inadequacy creep right back in. PATHETIC!

The Butt- Kicking Phase:

Ultimately, she did me a HUGE favor today because the Butt-Kicking Phase can't be activated unless I go through the Pathetic Phase first. Besides:

Point 1. It's always good to question yourself before chancing a public belly flop. I truly COULD flop. And I just might! Worse, I may drag anyone who WAS willing to help into that teaming pool of shame and I'd feel bad about that.

Point 2. She did not CAUSE the self-doubt. It has been a huge issue for me my whole life and I have to own it. I shouldn't be surprised that it reared it's ugly head when I was feeling vulnerable- and fat. The lady in question is tall, thin, fit, rich and gorgeous and those are 5 words that will never be used to describe me! I might be feeling a bit of the old Jr. High nerd emotions again!

Point 3.I don't like feeling like this. I'm going to wallow in it for a day or two though because I'll need to be well and truly primed for The Butt-Kicking Phase! The gal today not only thinks the program (and, by extension, me) will fail but that I can't do it at all without the help of her friends and connections. It will be harder but that's only going to make it sweeter!

Nothing fires me up like being told I can't do something that's important to me. Lord knows this isn't the first time someone thought my ideas were dumb.! And in saying that I'll going to totally ignore the fact that sometimes my ideas ARE dumb and just say that they're also spot on- sometimes. It remains to be seen if this will be one of those times or not.

I've wanted to pull a group like this together for a decade and I'm so excited I finally get to do it. I'm not going to let a bit of criticism from someone with a chip on their shoulder get in the way of a long-time goal- because THAT would be REALLY pathetic!

New Blog Look At Last!

2011-12-18T23:07:00.000-08:00

I haven't so much as changed the background on this blog in 2 years. I decided it was time to give it a make-over in hopes it will help me break through my posting malaise. I'm really proud to say that I only bothered my friends/family for expertise just a bit! Big thanks to my work friend, Linda, who taught me about Veer and how to work with vector images on the most BASIC of levels. Vector images can be re-sized and manipulated and turned into whatever you have the skills to create. Which in my case isn't much!

This is the set I bought and made my blog stuff with. I hope to be able to play with the other images I haven't used at some point.

To play around with all my blog stuff, I downloaded a 30 day free trial of Adobe Illustrator and I'm going to be REALLY sad to lose it in 12 days! It wasn't too hard to pick up some basic skills that enabled me to color and work with pre-made vector images. I'm hoping to eventually have access to Illustrator at work so I can learn more about it. We'll see. Anyway, if you've wanted to redo your blog, download Illustrator for yourself and have fun!

While I'm doing all this stuff, I decided I may as well overhaul my Garden Blog as I plan to do a lot more with that in the coming months as I have some fun opportunities where the sucker will need to be company-ready. More on THAT excitement later! The Garden blog is still messed up but I'm slowly sorting it out.

I'll keep playing with this header. It's pretty boring and uninspired but it works okay on the blog because of a background print (which I still need to figure out how to resize to a smaller print).

The Garden Blog is on Wordpress and it's A LOT harder to work on than Blogger but I wanted to own my content so Wordpress it is.

I'm also setting up a Wordpress/Buddypress site for a new program we're launching at work Spring 2012. Can't WAIT for that one. Literally. I didn't want to wait for the IT guys at work to care about my project (which is very small potatoes to them AND girly) so I'm learning how to do it myself! HA! Which is sort of what the program is about anyway so I guess it's only appropriate!

I didn't design the logo, Linda did because she's a pro. I have used it to make all sorts of blogging-related gee gaws though!

I never expected to gain any sort of graphic art or coding skills when I started blogging as that is NOT my forte' (I married that expertise, one would think I wouldn't need to acquire it myself!) However, I am proud of myself for digging in and doing stuff that's hard for me. My brain doesn't like code!

You know, it's amazing how many of the skills I've gained while blogging have provided tremendous benefit to me in my job! I sometimes get PAID to blog or post on Facebook. Weird! I never imagined when I started my Mom Blog in 2008 that it would provide real-world skills and opportunities but all the time ~~wasted~~ spent seems to be paying off now (go tell that to your spouse who complains about the time you spend blogging- you're skill building, right?)!

Anyway, perhaps the 12 people who have stuck with me through my blogging downturn will enjoy a snazzy new look that might almost make up for the lackluster posts! I am hoping to be back to full swing shortly!

Studio 5- Gifts for Gardeners

2011-12-12T16:08:00.000-08:00

I had the opportunity to serve as an 'expert' on Studio 5 this morning by recommending 5 last minute gifts for gardeners. It's always fun to do the segments even if it's hard for me to watch the video afterward! I really don't FEEL as fluffy as I am! Oh well, as the saying on Pinterest said, "I'm not fat, it's just my awesomeness welling up inside me". Yeah. Sure. That's it!

Studio 5 Clip

That's the link. The video doesn't fit my new blog and I don't know how to size it down. Sigh.

Pre-Chirstmas Blahs?

2011-12-10T23:36:00.000-08:00

I am a Christmas freak. I love the season, the fun, the activities. I love the baking and present making and thinking up just the right gifts for everyone. I love the music. All of it- the older the better. Christmas is magic and fun and just plain awesome!

In years past I've taken on some big Christmas projects like jammie making and gingerbread house making then ended up feeling overwhelmed. Good news! I am NOT overwhelmed this year. Rather, I'm underwhelmed!

"Up" Gingerbread House from 2009. We donated this one to the Festival of the Trees. I keep thinking I should do another gingerbread house for the festival but really, I don't think I can 'top' this one. I'm a one-hit wonder with gingerbread I think!

This year I am just skating by. I have zero Christmas spirit and no interest in the stuff I'm usually into. I'm feeling agitated and frustrated. I'm worried about all sorts of things to the point that I'm losing sleep. This is not me. I don't feel like ME. I don't like having a short fuse with the kids right now. The constant sniping and tattling thing is irritating me to no end. EVERYTHING seems just irritating this year.

I took the kids shopping for their gifts for each other tonight and by the time we were done, I wanted to gong each one of them. Gah! I am feeling like a crappy Mom anyway and now this no Christmas cheer thing!? Maybe the fact that the whole Santa truth is out to all of my kids makes me less excited about it all? I'm just not feeling like Christmas-loving self these days. How do you work your way out of the Pre-Christmas Blahs?

Say Goodnight, Not Goodbye

2011-12-09T20:43:00.000-08:00

It's been a wild couple of weeks with my Brother-in-law's fight against cancer forever changing the landscape of our family . Sadly, he passed away on Sunday, November 27th at age 48. Last weekend my Sister-in-law, his wife, held a "Celebration of Life" event for him as that is what he wanted. No funeral! Ack! Not his thing at all. At some point they will spread his ashes along the Snake River (where he hosted an annual family + friends river trip) and at his beloved Lake Powell.

Mike goofing off like always with his beautiful wife Kristie.

Instead of some sort of religious service he would have hated, there was a party where people could remember and share. It was a lovely event and I'm sure it was exactly what he would have wanted- well, in all honestly it would likely have been a bit too tame for him because he was always the life of the party and when that light goes out, the party is decidedly less exciting!

A packed house for the event- no one wanted to miss a Mike party, even if he couldn't personally attend this one in body.

During the open house, people were able to write messages to Mike on helium balloons which we released at the end. It was beautiful to see the messages float up, up, up.

My Husband, who loathes public speaking, stepped right up to the microphone to share with everyone how much he loved and will miss his big brother. Mike was one of those people who seemed larger than life. His life was one round of adventures after the other. He's been all over the world and experienced all sorts of amazing things. He lived each day as though it were his last and fit more adventure into 48 years than most of us will fit into a whole lifetime.
In the spirit of honesty I will say that Mike and I butted heads sometimes as we're both pretty stubborn and want what we want- sometimes what we wanted were at odds. There were times when I wanted to kick him in the teeth and if you never felt that way about him, then you didn't really know him. To be fair, he had good reason to want to kick me in the teeth sometimes too- I wish I had been a little more gracious when we disagreed. He was a wonderful, exasperating, generous, one-of-a-kind person to the extreme. On the other side of the spectrum, his powers of Jackwagonry were equally epic. Mike never did anything in life halfway. It was always full-throttle or not at all.

One of the most important lessons Mike taught me was to own my crap and to be real- even if the 'real' part doesn't paint the most flattering picture of me. Mike owned his actions, both good and bad. He knew what his shortcomings were. He would apologize when wrong but he lived his life exactly the way he wanted to- whether others approved or not! No excuses.

He did some wonderful things for our family. In fact, part of the reason we even have a family is due to him. He was willing to manage our house here in Utah so we could move to Oregon and take advantage of opportunities that ultimately resulted in overcoming our difficult battle with infertility.

As a result of that move, we were able to find the right doctors and became parents to twins- 11 weeks premature. When we called to say the babies had arrived and it was touch and go, Mike dropped everything and jumped on a plane with his own twin daughters (who we also born 11 weeks premature) because he knew exactly how hard a road we were starting down and wanted to be there for us.

Mike and his gorgeous twin daughters who are 11 years older than our twins.

In 2008 and 2009 he treated the whole Bee side of the family to an incredible Lake Powell vacation aboard his timeshare houseboat. Total luxury! It was an amazing opportunity for our kids that we would certainly never have been able to afford but for his generosity.

Our houseboat away from home.

Mike was an EXCELLENT cook and always cooked up a storm for people- especially on excursions. He's in the galley of the houseboat making some wonderful food. Looks like it was some kind of royalty theme that day!

Everyday on the boat was a themed party day. Our kids loved all of it. Mike took them on their first Snipe Hunt on that trip and did a darn good impression of a Snipe in a bag by shoving his arm in the bag and making it wiggle frantically. The kids totally screamed!

We'll likely never experience something like it again but we're so thankful that he generously shared all of it with us. Lake Powell will ALWAYS remind us of him.

Our nephew, Ryan, Kristie and Mike on the last Lake Powell Trip.

Mike, we will miss you. We'll miss that nervous and boundless energy that made you move through life at twice the speed of the rest of us. We'll miss the way you always knew how to help in a situation and would drop whatever you were doing to provide that help to anyone in need.

We'll miss the music and dancing in the unofficial B-Line Club.

Family Christmas Party in 2009 at the B-line (the ultimate garage band party spot located in the back building at his business). My Greg is on drums and my Father-in-law is playing singing.

Mostly, my husband will miss his older brother. He has always admired many things about you that he wouldn't want me to share on this blog because they are personal and special to him. Thankfully, you knew it. It was most definitely too soon for you to go but we'll hold on to all the good memories and cherish the gifts of time, service and laughter that you have given us. Thank you for being part of our lives!

Not The Thanksgiving We Were Expecting

2011-11-27T01:09:00.000-08:00

Normally I'm pretty active on my blog this time of year. I'm usually posting about desserts I want to make for Thanksgiving or preparing our annual "Practice Thanksgiving" feast. It's a festive and fun time of year! Usually.

Heck, I might even be posting an after Thanksgiving retrospective about whatever disaster befell us that day- like the Great 2008 Turkey Debacle. The only 'disaster' we had this year was that the turkey wasn't ready in time for the meal. Who knew 4.5 days in the fridge wasn't long enough to defrost? As a result, we served up "Dessert-key". We ate everything and then served up the turkey for dessert as it came out of the oven just as everyone was ready to leave! Whoops! My bad!

In a normal year, I might take a lot of ribbing for the lack of a main course for Thanksgiving. But not this year. It was a very odd Thanksgiving yet one where I find myself more thankful than in years past. This year we were all just happy to be together on the Bee side of the family. It's something that we've always taken for granted but have been reminded quite poignantly why we shouldn't do that.

Greg's older brother was recently diagnosed with a very serious cancer. Today he was moved from active treatment to end of life care. The cancer has spread too much and is too aggressive- there is nothing more they can do. He's only 47.

The Tuesday before Thanksgiving we were all called up to the hospital because they weren't sure he'd make it through the night. Greg's twin brother had flown in from out of state and arrived literally an hour before that call came in. Luckily, Mike survived the night and is still hanging in there. The family has been able to spend most of the last 4 days at the hospital in shifts to make sure that my sister-in-law has the back-up she needs and to visit with Mike in as much as he is able.

Although we had decided to host the dinner at our home a week or two ago (we're the closest Mike's home and the hospital), it wasn't at all certain we'd even have a Thanksgiving celebration until Wednesday night which had us scrambling at the last minute to really pull a meal together.

It was a somber affair in some ways and in others very poignant. The family has pulled closer together and I know it's been good for everyone to feel like they could do SOMETHING in this rotten situation- even if it was just hanging on to each other. As is often the case when bad times are upon a family, you appreciate the good stuff even more. And there was good stuff too!

I had the joy of meeting my newest snuggle buddy, Baby Jackson! He was so sweet and mellow (so long as he had his binky!) Our nephew and niece-in-law were blessed to adopt this adorable guy two months ago. His big sister Katie thinks he's her toy and she's so sweet that she just brings the joy into the room with her. No matter what you're feeling, you just CANNOT look at those big brown eyes and luscious dimples and not smile back!

The bitter and the sweet. Amazing how those two things are always intermingled.

And so we had our Thanksgiving meal after all with most of the standard fare we always enjoy- including my Mother-in-laws justifiably famous rolls! And we fussed over the food and ate and talked like always. And we worried. Mostly silently. Some things just don't need to be said. We prayed for guidance for Mike's Doctors. We thanked the Lord for all we have but somehow we just meant it more deeply and sincerely than at dinners past. We were grateful for the tender mercies that have allowed my Brother-in-law to still be here in this world with all of us for as long as the Lord will allow. He was only diagnosed 7 weeks ago so it's been a whirlwind and the shock has not really worn off.

I also spent the weekend watching and worrying about my Husband. His big brother has always seemed larger than life- it just seems so impossible that he's not going to beat this! Mike always blasts through obstacles that stymie the rest of us.

Clearly this Thanksgiving has been a time of reflection for the whole family in ways we couldn't have imagined back in September and it's made me so much more aware and thankful for all I have been blessed with- and WHO I have been blessed with.

I am so very grateful that I have been granted not one but TWO amazing families to call my own. I have 2 Mothers I can talk to and share with and seek advice from. There are 4 loving Grandparents who know and love my children as individuals. Two Grandmas to pinch cheeks and listen and encourage. Loads of cousins, old and young, to laugh with, snuggle on, and learn from. I love my Husband's family and they love us. We know it. We value it. We're thankful.

I am so thankful for the life I have been given and the people I get to share it with. I have everything I need to be happy. While I'm sad right now because of the hurt people I love are experiencing, I'm otherwise content. These past few weeks have been a difficult reminder of how fleeting it all is and there are harder days ahead.

* I will have to come back and add in the photos. It's been crazy and I can't find my camera cord! And it's late and I can't sleep and I just need to hit 'publish' anyway because I can't hold it all in any longer! It's been hard to just keep quiet about it all but there's no point in that any longer. Whew! I feel a little better just for getting it all out! Thanks for 'listening'.

Blog Address Change

2011-11-13T18:09:00.000-08:00

This week I took advantage of Blogger's new-ish options that allow you to easily convert an existing blogspot address to a dot com address. My blog is now http://www.creativechaosblog.com- don't worry, Blogger automatically updates everything so you don't have to do a thing about it. Whew!

I made this change because I chose my initial blog name when I was a blogging newbie 3 years ago and had no clue what I was doing. It was a poorly chosen name that gave out too much information. I also did it so the name of the blog corresponds more with the URL.

I did NOT do it to go commercial with the blog. This is and always has been a family/ Mommy blog and I have no intention of changing it. There will be no ads unless it is to promotes an interest of mine or stuff I'm involved with. If I ever mention a product or 'review' a product, and in 3 years I almost never have, it will be because I totally love it and want other people to know about it (like Enjoy Argon Oil for hair or using the Monistat Anti-Chaffing Gel as a base under mineral make-up- holy crap that stuff rocks!).

SIDE NOTE: I have no problem with people who chose to make their blog a business- there are so few things women can do from home to make money so if others do it via blogging and are willing to put in all the incredible effort that requires, more power to them! They deserve the income that considerable effort and creativity can yield. So long as they are upfront that that avocation is turning into a vocation, it's all good. END SIDE NOTE

But that's not who *I* chose to be here- partly because I'm too lazy and mostly because I simply haven't the drive or talent for it. Oh- and then there is the issue of my lackluster photography and total absence of a defined theme that make this sucker so commercially UN-appealing. I have no intentions of changing any of these "shortcomings". I am who I am- and we're just another generic family with a blog and I'm cool with that so I hope others are too. We're unspecially special (now there's a good blog name)!

All of that said, I may do some housekeeping to make the blog more functional now that I've got 3 years worth of posts to organize so you may or may not notice some new 'pages' and other changes. Clearly, the few 'creative' projects I showcase amongst my 'chaos' have a fair number of views and I want to make it easier for people looking for those projects to find them- sort of separate the project stuff from my family stuff a little more, you know?

Anyway, I just wanted to post this little disclaimer so that the 5 people still reading this blog now that I'm such an update slacker know where I'm at. I will continue to post disjointed thoughts, random projects and mediocre photos just like I always have- just from a new blog address.

Fall Photo Shoot

2011-11-12T06:47:00.000-08:00

My sister Nicki is an awesome photographer! She's also an excellent Pharmacist so photography is her "hobby that pays for itself" because she uses the money she earns doing photo shoots to pay for more cool toys to do photo shoots!

Anyway, after many years of having almost-decent school photos taken at the kids' school and having to buy packages with many photos we'd never use, it finally dawned on me that I'd be better off having my sister take their 'back to school photos. We worked out a little trade. I held the camera (which she had already configured) and took photos of HER family.

And she took some photos of mine! Well, the kids anyway, we'll redo the family photo next year. My kids have grown up A LOT since the last formal photos were taken in 2009!

Photo Credit: Nicole Crockett Photography

I will use the last photo on my Christmas Cards. You know, the ones I have made every year but rarely get all mailed out?

The good news is that my Canon camera is in the shop getting repaired (something stuck in the lens that keeps it party open so too much light is coming in for my shots) so I might actually be able to take average quality photos again and get back to blogging more!

Halloween SEASON is Over!

2011-11-06T17:45:00.000-08:00

Yeah, I know, I am so slow to post Halloween pictures but here they are anyway!

Every year Halloween seems to get more complicated. I am pleased to say we survived. I even managed to get Anna's Scarlet O'Hara/ Southern Belle costume sewn. I had to stay up until 2 am to do it but, whew! We got 'er done. Logan decided his costume from last year was cool enough to wear again and Bethany used parts from my witch costume so I didn't have to sew up anything for them.

Annual Grandkid Photo

On Saturday, we enjoyed the annual Halloween Party at Grandmas. Mom always has fun stuff planned.

Anna and cousins play in the leaves. Her Scarlet O'Hara costume is one of my favorites that I've made over the years.

Grandma teaches the kids how to make 'acorn' deserts.

Doughnut Hole Acorns - Thanks for the great ideas, Pinterest (my latest addiction!)

Lil' Bo Peep + Unhappy Sheep (Afton and her twin sisters, Scarlett and Ripley who are none to pleased to be wearing those costumes!)

As always, the kids had trick-or-treated several times between the Ward party, my work, Greg's work and school parties. In fact, our schedule was so jam-packed on Halloween Day that I had to take most of the day off work in order to ensure the kids would be able to fit it all in. Luckily, my job is pretty awesome about stuff like that.

On Halloween evening Greg took Anna and a friend out trick or treating but the twins each went with a friend. It was their last year going around to homes- next year they'll be in Jr. High and THAT means they are too old to trick-or-treat. We'll probably hosting some sort of tween party for them next year.

Since everyone is sick of candy by the time the REAL trick-or-treat comes around, we joined forces with our next door neighbors again to provide hot chocolate and cook up scones for everyone. This is the third year we've done it and it's such a great alternative to having more candy. Besides, it ensures there is no candy to buy before the holiday and that I won't have leftover candy to tempt me after! I love mini-chocolate bars. Sigh.

Well, no time to waste on Halloween anymore. It's come and gone and now it's time to practice baking etc. for Thanksgiving which will have some special meaning for us this year.

DIY Wall Paneled Wainscot/ Board and Batten Tutorial

2011-10-24T22:16:00.000-07:00

For the last 5+ years I've been wanting to add some custom moulding to my living room/entryway but the timing has been off- and it's been hard to find exactly the look I was after. Besides, as the daughter of a Master Craftsman, I appreciate high end woodwork but I most certainly do NOT have a high end budget or skills for that matter.

Board and batten mouldings are a simple and beautiful way to spruce up a room. However, for my project, the effect of standard board and batten was more rustic than I wanted. I was after a more traditional wall panel look where the panels appear to be jointed woodwork. After a great deal of study, I FINALLY figured out how get the look I wanted- DIY! Best of all? I did almost ALL the work myself. ME! Okay, I did get help from my Dad on a few things that I didn't have the equipment to do myself but that's it!

Ta Da! I still need to paint the area above the panels but haven't settled on a color yet- the whole room is in the process of slowly being remodeled.

And again because I love it.

From another angle.

Looking through the front door.

And another~! Can you tell I'm proud of it?

See the awesome little squares?

Check out the finished edges- THIS is what sets this style of wall panels apart from regular square-edged board and batten. You can use beadboard or a wood backing OR, do as I did, and use the wall itself for the inset- unless you have oddly textured walls or something.

Now, I know most people aren't interested in the 'how' part of things so feel free to skip over the long winded tutorial below. However, for those who ARE interested in knowing how a minimally skilled chick could do this project, read on.

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TUTORIAL

Disclaminer: this part of the post will be long and detailed. This is NOT because the project is particularly hard to do (though it is a little time consuming) but because I'm trying to answer all the little details and issues that I found along the way in hopes of making this easier for the average DIY homeowner like me. Don't feel obligated to read the detail unless you are interested in attempting the project yourself.

The key 'tool' you'll need for the project is a router bit made by Freud called a "Reversible Wainscoting Router Bit". I bought the bit 5 years ago but, at that time, I only had access to a router with a 1/4" collet. You'll need a nicer router that has a 1/2" shaft to make the project work. And so my project waited and waited until I could afford to buy a nice router that I never bought because I couldn't justify the $200 when I only planned to do this one project with it.

Last month I got a nice router out of our local classifieds for just $20 and a router table (also a must have) for just $15 from Becky at Utah Sweet Savings (though we just met via the classifieds). My Dad fixed the set up for me since the table I had wasn't really built for the make/model of router I'd purchased. He was also paranoid about me routing my fingers off, a sadly legitimate concern, so he installed a little finger guard on the fence that makes it really hard to hurt yourself. Yes, my Dad is awesome and no, I never got hurt using MY router.

TOOLS:

Router with 1/2" collet
Router table to mount the router to so you can get smooth edges along the lengths.
Freud Reversible Wainscoting Bit
Miter saw
Table saw with a fence (technically optional but it is the best way to ensure perfect lengths on the uprights or 'styles' as they are called- they must be perfect lengths)
Panel Adhesive and Caulking Gun
Sandpaper and/ or an electric sander
Paintable wood putty
Painter's Caulk
Finish nails or a pneumatic pin nail gun

I know the above list sounds overwhelming but they are general tools and if you don't have them you likely know someone who does OR you could check into renting them for a day from a tool rental place.

PANEL DESIGN:

The first step is to design your panel 'look'. This system is really flexible so you can make any number of designs from squares that cover an entire wall to a simple wainscot at standard height to anything in between- it's all in how much work you want to do and materials you want to purchase.

I knew I wanted the base moulding to be the same height as the cold air return so that it would blend in. I also knew that I wanted the longer lower panels with square upper panels. Since this wall is in the entryway and the corners take a beating, I wanted to wrap it around the outside corners AND make the mouldings tall enough that that projecting cap wouldn't bite someone in the shoulder -eyeballs are fair game though! :)

In design there is a concept called "The Golden Mean" or "Golden Ratio" that basically divides things into 1/3 increments. When you're doing ANY kind of wainscoting, avoid cutting the wall in half (a height of 4 feet) as that looks weird. Go with a 1/3/- 2/3 split or something close to it and it will feel correctly visually weighted. For my project, I decided that a height of 63 inches was just right which is roughly 2/3's of a standard 8 foot wall height.

You'll also need to decide how wide you want your panels- I'll go into more detail about that below, for now, you'll just want to make a rough guess. I settled on a distance of approximately 12" wide but, unlike height, the width is totally a matter of personal preference based on the space. To figure out the total number of panels I'd need (or close to it), I took the total inches of EACH WALL (the 4' wall and the 15' wall) and calculated them separately. I'll give an example:

15 feet = 180 inches divided by 15 = 12. However, once I got the rails up and started really playing with the spacing, I found that the 15 total inches looked to narrow for me so I adjusted it using the same simple math. ONE of my panels ended up being about 1" wider than the others (I had a tiny 'remainder' after all the dividing) but you cannot tell which panel by looking at it.

ESTIMATING MATERIALS:

In cabinetry, the horizontal boards are called "rails" and the vertical boards are called "styles". I will use those terms to describe the construction below.

I had a total of 19 feet of wall to cover which I rounded up to an even 20 feet. The MDF planks come in standard lengths of 4, 6, 8 and 10 feet. That meant I'd need (2) 10-foot long boards for all the horizontal lines in my design- base, mid, and top rail as well as the cap and cove moulding.

Estimating the styles is a little trickier as I wanted to be able to 'play' with the widths a little bit. The great thing about the routered edges is that you can move the uprights to any desired position along the rail. Since I had settled on the standard 3 1/2" wide MDF for the styles and rails (base moulding was the standard 7 1/4" wide), I needed to account for that in the panels. Also, remember that the routed edges will make the planks look thinner as the routed edges are 1/2" wide each (the flat part of the plank will look 2 1/2" wide).

I just counted up the total number of styles I expected to have and bought enough wood for expected lengths- plus some extra as MDF is fairly cheap and I figured I'd make some errors along the way. I did.

WOOD:

Note: MDF is the recommended material for this project because it finishes very smoothly. There are no knots etc. to worry about and there's little expansion/contraction with MDF. You can also do the project with other types of wood but may not get as smooth of a cut from the router.

Base Mouldings- 7 1/4" wide pre-primed MDF planks.
Styles and Rails- 3 1/2" wide pre-primed MDF planks.
Cap- 1 1/2" wide primed MDF planks.
Cove- 3/4" wide PINE cove moulding.

MATERIALS PREP:

You'll want to cut your styles first. My little squares were 12" long and my bottom section rails were 43" long. We have a table saw but it doesn't have a 'fence' and so I had my Dad cut them for me on his more advanced saw. If you don't have a table saw with a fence, have the guys at the Home Improvement store use their panel saw to cut perfect lengths for you. I generally avoid projects requiring perfect but if your lengths are off at all on the upright styles, the panels will not fit together right.

See all that dust? The dust MDF creates is NASTY. PLEASE wear a dust mask!

Then simply process all your wood through the router. Make sure you have a few practice pieces so you can adjust the height of the router as needed to get boards that will be flush when you lay them seam to seam. (see below).

Your base rail will have just one horizontal edge routed as will your top rail. Your mid-rail (if you have any) will get both the horizontal axis routed. In addition, each end will need to be 'back cut'. Styles will be routed on the long sides on the front then back cut with the router so all 4 edges will have a finish.

Sorry I don't have a better picture, the 'back cut' happens on the ends. See the back cut on the upright style? Almost every end piece in your project gets that treatment. As you can see, the style can slide anywhere along the rail and still look jointed.

Also note, (though this is a bit out of sequence) the horizontal rail above will have to be extended. Ideally, I would have cut it shorter so it lined up with the closest style and my seam was NOT in the middle of a square but I didn't. To minimize the look of the joint, backcut the rail along the backside then backcut the next piece on the front. They will then fit together with a minimal seam. Do NOT just butt boards up against each other as the crack will always be visible. By doing a miter or backcut seam, the seam is at a 45 degree angle and thus there is no deep crack to deal with. The ability of the pieces to lay over each other perfectly is the GENIUS of this system!

I had never used a router before this project but it's a fairly simple tool to understand. Through trial and error I discovered that I got the smoothest finish when I ran the wood through lightly once then with more pressure on a second pass. Carefully inspect each finished edge to make sure there are no high or low spots. I failed to do this right on just ONE piece and ended up having to do a fair amount of sanding and puttying to fix it.

Here's the wall BEFORE installation all spackled up. Note the cold air return along the bottom, we want to integrate that. Start by pulling off the old moulding- you won't need it anymore.

Next, install the base moulding with a mitered corner. You'll also install the end pieces/ styles. For an outside corner as shown above, you'll want to take one of the pieces and cut the thickness of the board (in my case 9/16ths of an inch) off it. The upright board on the short wall above butts against the narrower board which is on the long wall. Once installed, both boards appear to be the same width. Make sense?

NOTE: The corner/end boards should be the FULL HEIGHT of the wainscoting whether you're breaking it down into square sections with multiple rails or not- this will give you the best 'look' on the corner and provide the greatest durability.

Install the lower section of uprights first. Once you have figured out your width, cut 2 boards that are EXACTLY THE SAME and are the width you want the inside panel. In my case, they ended up being 11 1/2 inches. You will not need to measure distances all the way down the wall, just use your spacer boards and it will be perfect. Sorry for the bad picture, my 11 year old daughter took it for me as I was busy holding boards up.

Once all the uprights are in place, you can slip the next horizontal rail in place. I marked all the studs on the wall and my horizontal pieces are pin nailed to the studs. However, few of my vertical pieces fell along the studs thus they were simply glued in place with panel adhesive and nailed with a couple pin nails into the drywall to hold the boards in place until the adhesive dried. If you've cut the styles to the same length like you were supposed to, the horizontal rail will just plop right in place! Notice the height of the end piece as compared to the rest of the styles.

If you're doing additional rail(s) then move on to the next layer and install the styles the same way above that you did down below, using your spacers to ensure a perfect fit.

Next you'll install the 1 1/2 inch cap on the top with mitered corners THEN install the cove moulding under it- again with mitered corners. See how the cold air return now blends in?

Now, there can be a bit of an issue when it comes to wall outlets. Some people will choose to design their panel widths to completely avoid the outlets. That's a good way to go if you can. However, I wanted to keep the rhythm of the panels and so I ran into 2 problems. The plug outlet, as you can see above, falls into the middle of a panel which was good. However, I have a double light switch that is smack dab in the middle of a style and another light switch that's juts into an end piece. I opted to solve my problem as shown below.

I just interrupted the style where needed then finished the cut edge with the router for a more finished appearance.

The other outlet was a bit trickier as it was only partially overlapping the end board. I solved it like this:

See how you can backcut pieces with the router so they will perfectly overlap?

It's tempting to think you're done at this point but there are a few more details. You'll now need to use wood putty on any gaps, nail heads etc. If some of your nails didn't go in far enough, you'll need to tap them in with a nail set so they'll be below the level of the wood and not mar the finish.

Sand as needed then clean up the area. Next you'll apply an ever-so-thin line of Painter's Caulk with the caulking gun between the boards and the wall- right where that little decorative edge meets the drywall. This will ensure there are no visible gaps. It took me about an hour to do this step but if you don't do it, you'll see little 'cracks' of dark every so often where the wall and wood aren't perfectly flush which is distracting. NOW you're ready to prep and paint!

Whenever I paint, I always clean the walls with TSP Substitute first which can be purchased at any big box home improvement store. This stuff will eat into the old paint a little and give a good surface for adherence. It dissolves dust bunnies like salt on a snail and pulls off nearly every bit of wax, grime and grease- I rarely have to prime a wall if I clean it with TSP Substitute first.

I am a total paint snob and you should be too! You didn't do ALL THAT WORK only to end up with a sub-par finish because you used a sub-par paint. Since I was going with white trim, I used a specialty paint called Cabinet Coat Enamel. It has a satin finish that's much tougher than regular paint. It is designed to be used on kitchen cabinets and it's very durable for a water-based paint. You may have to look around a bit to find it and the type I use is about $36-$40 per gallon.

Paint it on with a dense foam roller. I ended up needing 3 coats of paint. I sanded then carefully cleaned the wall between EACH coat . That may have been overkill but, after all this work, I wanted a perfect finish!

COST:

I spent $160 on the MDF and pine cove moulding for the project.
Router Bit- $40-$50
Misc. supplies- $50
I had or could borrow all the tools and I'm not counting the cost of my router + table because now that I've discovered all the cool stuff it can do, I'll be using it on more projects!

Cost for Professional to do it (based on internet websites I found) $700- $1,000.
I have always honey-do'ed my Dad or my Husband when I wanted a project done and I can't tell you how good it felt to do it myself! I will be adding this treatment to my formal living room, one wall at a time. The next section will involve a built-in window seat with a storage bench! I may even go really crazy and do a wall of built in bookcases. Shh- don't tell the Hubs as it would scare the tarnation out of him!

Now, if you like the look of my project but are afraid to deal with the routing of the wood etc, you can purchase pre-made kits from Elite Trimworks. They use the same router bit I did and even they recommend that you have the bit so you can make the odd cuts etc. you may need to make around outlets etc. Expect to pay subtantially more than it cost me for the wood pieces but you'll still save money over hiring a peo to do it and you'll be assured that each piece will come perfect and ready to go.

Elite Trimworks put together a series of videos showing the installation of their kits in detail. If you really want to do this project, watch the videos!

Happy Campers?

2011-10-22T01:41:00.000-07:00

"The Watchman"- a view from our campground at Sunset. Amazing!

We spent last weekend in Zion National Park CAMPING for Pete's sake! The Bees don't really camp. We're more of the "camp at a hotel" kinda folks. It's not the cooking outside, getting dirty and campfire smoke I can't abide. It's the Oh-crap!-it's-3am-and-I've-never-fallen-asleep part which is usually followed by the 4 and 5 am reprise of the same song. The chorus is typically sung by drunkards camped just yards away or an inconsolable screaming baby. We lucked out and got both!

Last time we went camping (years ago) we thought an air mattress would make it work okay. Have you ever tried to sleep on an air mattress with a slow leak? It starts out okay but by morning it's only inflated where you DON'T need it. I thought I would outsmart that problem this time and I bought cots for the Hubs and I. Sadly, they weren't much more comfortable than a half-inflated air mattress slowly releasing air like so much plastic flatulence!

However, camping is really a right of passage for kids and thus we went. And besides, who could resist spending the weekend with the ever-awesome Wixoms? And the location? A coveted spot in Zion National Park. Perhaps the Bees could BECOME campers? The Wixom Teens helped my boy "Man Up" by teaching him to pitch a tent and lay a fire but Greg and I are, apparently, a little harder to train.

Our lack of camping knowledge and experience was readily apparent when we set up camp next to the Wixoms.

Exhibit A: Camp Bee. Note the duct tape (thank you, Daddy!) strategically located to almost cover the holes in my folks old tent. Yep, this is the one I camped in as a kid. We weren't going to spring for a tent ourselves until we KNEW we'd use it again. My Dad told us we could use the old tent so long as we NEVER returned it! Luckily it didn't rain as we harbored no illusions that this baby was seaworthy.

Exhibit B: Camp Wixom. In the time it took us to erect the old tent, the Wixoms set up 2 tents (one for kids, one for the parents) and helped Logan pitch his own personal tent (which they gave him) so that he didn't have to humiliate himself by sleeping in OUR tent. They also unloaded all the food, switched around some vehicles off site and puffed up non-leaking air mattresses for each family member. They were the well-oiled machine you'd expect from a former military family.

Exhibit A1: Camp Bee- Go back to your tents, there's nothing to see here! No wood. No camp kitcheny stuff. No food. Nada.

Exhibit B1: Camp Wixom. Full camp kitchen, special system for coolers, dutch oven cooking (dutch oven pizza is awesome) and a "Camp Daddy" who not only brought all the bacon but fried it up in the pan- then cleaned said pan. Obviously, we chose to eat with Camp Wixom as it would have been M.R.E's for the B.E.E.S!

We started off the first morning with a quick trip to Grafton, a classic Utah ghost town and a site used for the movie "Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid" back in the 70's. I am a freak about ghost towns and have a whole book about the remnants of the various ghost towns in our state. Turns out they are in the process of restoring Grafton. I'm glad it's being preserved but it changes the character of it too.

That afternoon we headed back into the park and took the classic hike that's the most popular trail in the park.

Of course, we're the Bees so it can't possibly all go along without incident. It began with me while I was trying to take the above photo. As I was grabbing for my newish little point-and-shoot camera (a camera I had to purchase because of a PREVIOUS incident), I dropped my little Nikon. Not hard or anything but that little bump was enough to RUIN THE NEW CAMERA! Don't buy a Nikon point-and-shoot! Ann lent me her Kodak Easy Share camera and it soon proved it was MUCH BETTER than my dang Nikon.

It is so amazingly gorgeous!

At the end of the main trail (before it crosses the stream into the part of the canyon known as "The Narrows"), the kids played around on the rocks. This was the site of Incident #2. Logan fell in. Not a big deal in the summer but this time of year it's a little chilly if you're wet. The shady canyon + water + Logan's lack of body fat made for a rather cold kid. On the return trip, Greg hustled him up the trail at a faster pace to try and get him out where it was warmer.

The ladies playing on the rocks with Logan in the background. BEFORE the falling incident which he found pretty awful since he hates to be the center of attention. But hey, you'll never fall down unless there is at least one person around to see you do it, right?

How about several people being around to see you fall? It was on THIS EXACT idyllic stretch of trail where I pulled off the Coup de grace! While gawking at the scenery I FAILED to notice a big pot hole in the trail. Well, actually, my brain and eyeballs failed to notice it. My ankle found it just fine.

And that's how I ended up sprawled on the ground, glasses askew, Ann's camera lying on the trail a few feet in front of me where my flailing arms had inadvertently launched it. To add insult to injury, a geriatric retired couple had to help me up. Horrors! I could tell my ankle was messed up and it hurt almost as much as my pride. However, Ann's camera survived without any problems. My next point-and-shoot will be the bulkier Kodak Easy Share.

I managed to slowly hike out on my now-bum ankle with the help of Ann since my spouse was nowhere to be seen. I may or may not have milked his "abandonment" when we all reconnected.

Day 2 began with a stiff and swollen ankle but I was determined NOT to let it slow down our trip!

Since our friends are area locals and they took us to places that are "off map". I could tell you where we saw the petroglyphs that were so close you could touch them but then I'd have to maim you. This trail is "off map" to protect the petroglyphs from the many jerks out there.

You have to know exactly where to hike down to get to the trail.

Awh! Cute guy!

I was surprised to see Rocky Mountain Maples within the Park boundaries- and in full fall color.

The Bees and Wixoms totally showing off our '3 days without showering' selves!

We enjoyed a picnic lunch at Checkerboard Mesa.

The nights might have been difficult but the days and company made it worth it. Wixoms, we'd love to "camp" with you again next year but when I say "camp" I mean we'll be sleeping at a hotel in town!

Bethany's Craft Club

2011-10-13T00:27:00.000-07:00

My cute daughter is a little craft queen in the making. She shares my Pinterest addiction and has her own boards on my page. What does one do with all these ideas? Throw a party!

The girls pose at our favorite quilt store (Pine Needles) at Gardner Village.

Bethany has started her own "Craft Club" with friends and had her first project party over the weekend. The project she chose was this cute ruffle necklace made with a tutorial from Poppy Chic.
I took the girls over to Pine Needles Quilt Store at Gardner Village to pick out their own fat quarter for the project- must make sure everyone gets exactly what they want! Of course, you can't go there in October without checking out the witches around the village.

The project itself is quite simple and lends itself well to pre-teen abilities. I had intended to get photos of the process of the girls making the ruffle necklaces but they were all so happily hyper by that point and I was so busy helping that it sorta didn't happen.

The craft only took about a half hour and then the girls started to play around with make up and dress ups and put on their own crazy fashion show. It appeared that a fun time was had by all! I am so thankful that my daughter has such great friends. The girls are all into crafting and getting good grades and being great kids! WHEW! Every parent wants their child to chose friends well and my girl has most certainly done that. It was a pleasure to have the ladies in our home.

Now Bethany just has to come up with something great for next time! I'm sure Pinterest will provide more ideas than we could ever use. Craft on!

A Whole YEAR?

2011-10-12T23:48:00.000-07:00

I can't believe I've been in my 'new' job for a year! The good news is that I still love it. I haven't had a day yet where I've dreaded getting up and going to work. There have been some less-than-great days in that time but blessedly few of them. I work for a good organization and my work group is filled with likable people who care about doing good work.

Even better- I mostly work with introverted guys who LIKE doing the parts of the work I don't- like statistical analysis and budget number crunching! Boring! That means there are few things I have to do that I don't at least somewhat enjoy. And, of course, the guys are perfectly content to have me do the extroverted parts of the job THEY don't enjoy so it's all good.

Sunrise over the garden (taken by my co-worker from the top of our new building)

We are STILL not moved into our new digs yet. Originally it was supposed to happen by July 1 but we're long past that point. The building is constructed to LEED Platinum standards (highest level of 'green' building) which involves very complex systems. However, once it's finally completed, I will be 'living' my work day in a bright, state-of-the-art building where I get to teach, write, schmooze, generate ideas, formulate strategies/partnerships and plan events! I'll even have a greenhouse at my disposal, an incomparable view and plenty of sunshine! If you're going to work, you may as well love it!

The new greenhouse! I can't wait to fill it with gorgeous plants!

As much as I'm enjoying my job, there are days when it would be nice to own all of my time again. There are certainly things to miss about being a Stay-at-Home-Mom too. The decade I spent in our home with the kids was one of the happiest of my life.

Oh- the user-generated content video contest we did just ended. We got 14 submissions- nearly all of which were reasonably good and some were really good. My favorite was submitted by Darren (son of Blogger Red Hoodoos aka The Jodester for those who remember). Darren won some cash for his efforts. We'll do another video contest next Spring and will be giving away some big $$$- pass the word on to anyone you know who enjoys making videos!

If you want to see some other great videos, check them out here: Video Contest Entries

How to Make Wavy Curls- Even If You're Hair Impaired!

2011-10-03T21:15:00.000-07:00

My hair lady, Brynn, taught us the COOLEST THING EVER! We're finally able to get the perfect wavy curls around here without buying fancy tools or using hair-wrecking heat. Even better, the technique is fast too! I guess it's called Headband Curls and pretty much ANYONE can do it. It seriously takes like 5 minutes.

Sidenote: Check out Brynn's blog if you want to be inspired to enjoy each moment of your life/day. She's one of the people who really got me interested in blogging and their family has an amazing story as they've enjoyed several medical miracles with their son. Awesome stuff!

Don't hate her because she's beautiful!

This is Anna's hair after going ALL DAY and using zero product on her hair. I'd recommend some mousse but her hair curls well so it doesn't have to have it.

I have the girls shower and wash their hair in the evening. We then air or blow dry it until it is dry or nearly dry. We'll usually add curling mousse to Bethany's hair because she has curl-resistant hair that's really thick. I will often just leave Anna's hair without any product at all in it because her hair is the perfect texture for curling. You'll want to figure out what will work for you based on past experience.

To start, put on a snug headband. We bought 100 nylon headbands from Halo Heaven for like $8 on clearance. Halo Heaven is a must have vendor for people with little ones- especially if you like very inexpensive pettiskirts, hair gadgetry and more- and that's an unsolicited, unpaid endorsement right there! Other headbands will work too I think. We just got the ones our Hair Lady recommended.

Push it as high on the head as high as you can go without it urping up (urp is a technical hair term and shows the clear lack of technical hair terms within my vocabulary). Take a section of hair and wrap it around the headband. (and no, this is not one of those amazing photography blogs- obviously!)

Pick up some additional hair (like you would for a French braid or twist) and wrap it around again. Continue until you get both sides wrapped.

Make a little space on the headband then stick your fingers up through the hair at the bottom to make a 'path' to pull the rest of the hair through (like you would for an inside out ponytail) and then just wrap the rest of the hair around the band.

It should look something like this when you're done. It honestly takes 5 minutes. Don't worry about it looking perfect- it will be slept on overnight without causing any PAIN or discomfort to the sleeper. Carefully unwrap the hair in the morning, finger pick, hairspray and you're done!
That's it! It only takes a few minutes to send you daughter (or yourself) off for the day with gorgeous curls that hold all day!

I also like that the curls start a little lower so you'll still enjoy a lot of length in the style and won't end up with sideways skiwampus (another technical hair term) curls that poke out weird. Or maybe that just happens to me!

If you want to see the technique real-time, watch the video below. I am VERY HAIR IMPAIRED. VERY HAIR. IMPAIRED. Yet even *I* can pull this off for my girls! WOOT!

Wanna try it? Leave me a comment below and let me know and I will mail an unused headband from our 100 headband stash to the first 5 people who ask for one! The stamp will cost more than the headband and I still spend less than $5 to get them out to you. See? I'm not cool enough to make an extra Petunia Purse for those stalwart souls who still read this neglected blog but I will give away a 25 cent headband. Yeah. That's how I roll these days. Or you can just use a headband you already have and avoid the irritation of waiting for something other than bills and letters from your long lost Nigerian Cousin to come in the mail!

All Things to All People

2011-09-26T21:18:00.000-07:00

Sound familiar? Tonight I am just feeling sorry for myself. If it's any consolation to the people I disappoint, I WANT to be all things for all of you- I'm only just one person and not so great at even a whole one sometimes. I'm sorry. I'm dropping so many balls lately I can't even find them to pick them up! They've rolled away under the cloak of weeds in what could be a lovely yard given the attention it needs or they're hiding along with the spoons, lost shoes and dust bunnies under the couch. And there are other places I dare not even look!

Perhaps I should just caffeine up, put on an episode of Horders for inspiration and stay up all night! Or I can just go to bed, cuddle my sick Hubby and resolve to try again tomorrow. Damn optimism trying to creep through!

The Angry Bees?

2011-09-24T20:27:00.000-07:00

My spouse is a computer guy. He works for one of those big employers dealing with computer stuff. I don't know what he does, precisely, but even if he explained it, I probably wouldn't understand it (and because of the security stuff involved, I sure as heck can't blog about it anyway). He's kinda smart.

Unlike the stereotype of professional computer nerds, my spouse DOES NOT play online games, video games- heck, not even board games (pout on the no board games one)! The LAST thing he wants to do is get on the computer when he's home unless it's for school or work. Even *I* have quit following his Facebook page because he never updates. Computers are work- not fun. For him anyway.

It's been this way for the whole 16 years we've been together. And that's why his latest obsession is so shocking! Last month we bought a Roku box with the idea we would downgrade or eliminate our cable tv altogether. Our Roku came with The Angry Birds as part of the package and he mocked the kids and I for playing the game. And then he lowered himself to try it out.

And now he's obsessed with the birds!!!! I've never seen him do this before. He even shirked housework today to play The Angry Birds and that is so unlike my cute-but-a-little-stodgy Spouse! He can't stand having messes and housework undone (one of the greatest challenges for him in loving my I'd-rather-play-than-clean self) I'm not sure why this game has been able to hook him in ways others haven't but my house is constantly filled with the guttural squawks of cheesed off birds! He might even be having some much needed brainless fun in the process!

I'm not sure if I should love or hate the birds but I'm glad he's enjoying the game. Now, if he's still obsessed a month from now, we're gonna have a mishap with the Roku box~!

Do you Roku?

What is the impact of a life?

2011-09-18T23:42:00.000-07:00

This question has been swirling in my mind for the last week. Exactly one week ago my sister Jen called me late. Not so unusual as we're both night owls. This was different though, she gasped "Cindy, I just got a phone call, Sherri's dead!" Sherri and her spouse were in a serious auto accident on the way back from a "getaway weekend" trip. Sherri was killed instantly and her spouse was hurt but survived with miraculously few injuries.

My sister was Sherri's manager and they work in an office of just 3 people. Sherri has only been with them for about a year but she's made a huge impact. I know Sherri from the office, of course, and also from our ladies lunch group. I belong to a group of unique women who've taken to calling ourselves the "Troublemakers". It's not that we set out to cause trouble, it's just that if you're a woman with a brain, an opinion and the willingness to get stuff done- you'll be granted that label by the men whom you make nervous! We give a cheapie tiara out each month to the "Troublemaker of the Month" which means the woman who gotten something meaningful done even if she created a few political waves in the process.

The flowers our group sent along with her own tiara for a Troublemaker's "Lifetime Achievement Award"

Between the business and political connections they have, the funeral was huge- more than 1,000 people came to the viewing. Through their example, their adult children have also taken their places in the community and serve in various capacities- which brought out even more people. The line was stopped at one point so her Husband could take a condolence call from the wife of a current Presidential candidate.

Condolences came from many leading political figures as well as church leaders. Flowers came in by the truckload and from places as far away as Taiwan. It was an unbelievable outpouring. By the world's standards, it was the kind of thing used to account for a 'successful' life- a huge funeral remarked by political and spiritual leaders.

And yet none of that is what made it amazing. What was amazing was to see her legacy in action. Sherri always took the time to THANK people for the little things. She wrote thank you notes. She would call people, sometimes years later, just to let them know she still remembered a kindness they had done for her. She remembered the problems and stories shared with her and did what she could to help.

How many times do we hang on to the little negative hurts done to us while completely FORGETTING the little acts of kindness? Sherri remembered and, as a result, people remembered her. The touching thing wasn't the masses of flower arrangements from important people but the masses of everyday people who came to remember her because of the personal impact she had on them.

Unsurprisingly, her children have learned that same graciousness. At the viewing, even in their own suffering, they worked to space themselves in line so they could make sure everyone who came was given personal thanks and attention. They listened to each person recount memories and thanked them for sharing their stories so they could enjoy the memory too. Even on Facebook they thank each and every person who comments and shares something. Can you imagine?

What I will remember about Sherri is not her accomplishments and who she was publicly, but the example she set in the quiet, private times when there was no one to see and be impressed. Those are the stories just surfacing now that she has passed and people are sharing their experiences. THAT is the true measure of a person!

I did not know Sherri well but the impact she has made on my life is to rethink the things and people I take for granted. To notice the hurts less and the kindness more- and, just as important, to remark upon it. It's not something I've thought much about but, while I usually thank people, I don't think I do so enough and I certainly don't remember enough. It's a little uncomfortable to notice that shortcoming!

If you want to be inspired by Sherri's legacy, you can check out her daughter Aimee's blog. Perhaps you'll find some inspiration from Sherri too!

The Last Time?

2011-09-11T21:33:00.000-07:00

On Labor Day, the kids and I celebrated the day with family and friends- Greg had a final exam coming up for school so he stayed home and studied. Poor critter (though I think he was secretly relieved to get out of a social obligation).

Grandma with just over HALF of her Great Grandkids!

My Dad's side of the family is HUGE. Grandma and Grandpa Nielson had 10 kids, 9 of which have gone on to produce 45 Grandkids and the Great-Grandkid count is well over 100. There are even a few Great-great grandkids now. We needed name tags to figure out who belonged to whom!

Some families have moved out of state but anyone who could possibly make it came because, while no one wanted to say it out loud, we all knew on some level that it was probably the last big family BBQ. We used to have them for every summer holiday growing up but times changed, families grew and now it's a rare treat.

About 2/3rds of the Cousins.

Last winter my Grandma, age 85, had a pretty significant stroke and she's been slowly going downhill ever since. My super awesome cousin, Amy, has been living with and caring for Grandma but it's all just too much. Grandma needs the professional care she can get in an assisted living setting. That is a hard thing for everyone to accept, of course. Grandma has been the quiet matriarch of a very large clan for many years and this is not the kind of change we want to have. The unspoken reality weighed on me a lot as I smiled and joked with my cousins.

Grandma with 7 of her 10 kids.

However, the BBQ was all about happy stuff, getting together and having some great food (all the favorites from our childhood versions of the same event). The entire clan hasn't gotten together like this since the last family reunion.

Our kids asked if there would be other kids to play with there and I just laughed. Wall to wall kids is how it ALWAYS is when we get together. Thank goodness it was outside because the noise we can generate?! Woah!

4 of the 5 sets of twins in the family. One set of identical, one set of boy/girl and two sets of adorable baby girls!

My Grandparents met during the Great Depression. My jobless teenage Grandfather had hopped a train and ended up in Burley, Idaho getting bits of temporary work in a flour mill. My kids still can't believe their Great-Grandpa was a Hobo (even though he only had that one train ride)! He met my Grandma at a dance and they were married soon after. They were 17 and 15! Just kids and dirt poor, literally. My Dad lived in a house with dirt floors until he was 6 years old and that was lucky because Grandpa's younger brother and his wife lived in a chicken coop on the property!

5 generations photo with the oldest daughter, oldest granddaughter, oldest Great-Grandson and his boy, the oldest of the Great Great Grandkids. Yowza!

My Grandma had 10 kids by the time she was 30. Can you imagine? 10 kids and barely enough money to cover the necessities, sometimes. The often went without. There was so much struggle that went on as my Grandparents tried to provide for their family under very challenging circumstances- but you'll NEVER hear about it from Grandma. She doesn't complain. She's just been a do-what-needs-doing kind of person her whole life. How I admire that because, believe you me, I'd be in a perennial cryfest if I were in her shoes!

I know that even under the best scenario, we won't have Grandma for much longer. Grandpa's been gone since 1993 and I would imagine she is tired of missing him. I'm so thankful for the opportunity to have that last big BBQ before it all changes again and there is no longer a 'Grandma's House' to visit but an assisted care facility instead. I am so thankful that my kids have had the chance to know her- though I sure wish they could have met Grandpa too, he was a real hoot!

Sidenote: I'm also thankful for Facebook because it's the only way I'll ever be able to keep up with my gazillion cousins! I know more about their lives now thanks to Facebook than I ever have before!

Studio 5- Again!

2011-09-09T21:41:00.000-07:00

I have a hard time watching this video because all I see is how fat I am. Sigh. I think I did okay but I was the only chick there that day who wasn't a size 4 and wearing platform stilletos- a fact I was grateful for as I had to walk backwards to each plant in the segment. There are things I wish I'd done a little better but I DID make sure to send in plenty of photos so they could show the plants instead of me! WHEW!

Studio 5 Interview

I learned that I talk with my hands TOO much too. Ack!

However, Brook and Darrin are just as nice off camera as they are on and they really help lead you through the whole ordeal. Perhaps I'll just use this as inspiration for my 40 by 40 so I'll look MUCH better when I am on again next Spring.

Petunia Ruffle Handbag by Izzy 'N Ivy Designs

2011-09-01T23:40:00.000-07:00

It's back to school. Yeah. I know. Most people have been going for awhile but we just started back this past week. The kids are excited to see their friends and join in the bussle of elementary school life. However, this 'back to school' season the Mom is the one who got schooled. I've just learned first hand about the price difference between 'kid' clothes and 'teen' clothes. Yowza!

My boy and his fully-flounced sisters are ready for the first day of school. Oh- and I guess curls are the 'hair version' of ruffles so we had to have those too!

I also got some good lessons in style from my girls which includes the belief that a girl simply cannot have too many ruffles! With that little mantra in mind, I found an adorable handbag pattern called the 'Petunia Ruffle Handbag' by Izzy 'N Ivy Designs and immediately bought it. I knew just the fabric I wanted to use to make one of these bags for myself. I've never sewn a handbag but decided to tackle this rather complicated looking one as a first attempt. Why not?

When Bethany saw the pattern, she of course wanted one too and then Anna simply must have whatever Bethany does and thus I found myself buying a whole heck of a lot of supplies.

Due to the cool details on the Petunia Ruffle Bag, I think it's best to go with a small pattern as the awesome but loud prints that are popular right now rather drown out the impact of the ruffles. However, you can compensate for the lack of pattern on the exterior by going crazy on the inside- and we most certainly did!

Anna choose a pink cheetah print because it's diva-ish and so is she. Inside we did a funky LOUD print.

Bethany loves the color purple so we tried out an ombre style with 4 different shades of solid purple fabric which I think looks awesome on this bag. There's a funky loud print on the inside of her bag too (and yes, those peace signs ARE going sideways- good thing it's the inside of the bag!) I barely finished both bags before school started.

And then there is my bag. You know, the reason I BOUGHT the pattern in the first place? Yeah, my bag still sits unfinished in a pile of good intentions (aka: sewing projects in process). Lord knows how long it will languish there!

I would highly recommend this pattern. Izzy 'N Ivy Designs is a start-up Mom business, which I like to support, but it's also just a really great pattern. They've very carefully worked through all the details in the instructions so if you have basic sewing skills, you can make this even though it looks hard. I am an intermediate seamstress/ self-taught hack and it took me about 6 hours for the first bag and 4.5 for the second. However, much of that time was spent cutting and ironing on fusible interfacing so it's not all sewing time.

If I were a SUPER COOL blogger, I'd give away a Petunia Handbag!!!!!

I'm not that cool.

Perhaps I WILL be that cool...

but only after I finish my own bag!

2011 Gala

2011-08-28T21:39:00.000-07:00

Our big Garden Gala event is over and I am GREATLY relieved! I have never been involved with a fundraising event on this scale before and it was a bit overwhelming! I did all sorts of things for the event but my primary responsibility, along with my friend, Sue (who I dragged into volunteering) was to oversee the creation of the succulent wreath centerpieces and manage the drawing portion of the evening.

I hated that we had the tent but there was a chance of rain so we had to have it. Luckily, it didn't rain until a few hours afterward. 3 days ago there was construction fencing all over this plaza.

Our theme was the ever-trendy "sustainability" concept which is a buzz word much touted and much less understood. Oh well, buzz words work! The meal was a "Farm to Table" event (another popular concept right now) with incredible food provided by Cuisine Unlimited. They were unbelievable and I thank our event planner, Jeff, for jokingly offering me a job with them. My ego needed it as it was pretty stressful behind the scenes.

Back in June I got to go in with the ladies on the committee for a 'tasting' which was basically the FULL MEAL served in Cusine Unlimited's facility with the chef in attendance. Regular folks like me don't often get to do cool stuff like that! We we even provided with 2 main dishes as we had to decide which one to serve. They had a whole warehouse full of decor we could choose from and it was a very fun field trip! Doing a Farm-to-Table style dinner for this event was one of my ideas and I think it was a hit- people loved seeing the local farms where the goods and produce were purchased listed in the menu.

Our crew had the garden in beautiful condition and we had 3 separate appetizer stations set up for a "progressive appetizer stroll" through the various parts of the garden.

Participants stroll through the garden. It was dark on the way out except for the tiki torches and the sounds of thunder in the distance and crickets madly chirping.

South American-styled appetizers set up in our High Desert Garden- not pictured the Asia and Africa stations.

Succulent Wreath Centerpieces made by my awesome team of volunteers!

One of 33 succulent living wreaths we created with the help of volunteers. Each plant was inserted into a moss wreath topiary frame. The smaller sedum 'filler' plants were just rootless cuttings which we inserted by making holes with pencils then pushing them in with tweezers. We made them back in June and my sweet Daddy grew them on in his garden ALL SUMMER. He even spent afternoons adding more cuttings to them so they'd be full and gorgeous. Did I mention we made 33 of them!!!!???? The vase is filled with water and then a skiff of vegetable oil across the top with a candle called a 'water candle' floating and using the veggie oil to burn.

I have always wanted to make one of these wreaths and the Gala gave me a chance to do that- on a huge scale of course since I'm a "Go big or go home" kinda gal. Making one is fun. Making 33 is exhausting! I blogged about the wreaths more over at Utah Garden Blogs if anyone is interested in more detail.

We did avoid one MAJOR crisis with the wreaths though. They were a little dry on Friday so Sue and I dunked them to soak the moss and watched in shock as all sorts of bugs began to swim out of them. EEEWW! Can you imagine how awful it would have been if a spider crawled out of one while someone was eating their very expensive dinner!?

Managing the drawing was REALLY stressful for us. Though the building was supposed to be finished back in June, it is still not done. The contractor and crews have worked long hours, 7 days per week to get it ready enough to host our event. Even so, they were polishing the concrete in the atrium at 10 am when we were supposed to set up the Drawing which meant we didn't get started until 2 pm which really threw us off and some little details got dropped which caused me some stress later.

I would love to blog more about that but I'd better not. Luckily, it all came together. I am sad I didn't get a photo of my adorable 'hot chick' volunteers but their schmoozing really helped sell drawing tickets. Thanks ladies!

Drawing items in the breezeway. Can you believe I'll get to work in this gorgeous environment? There are huge glass garage doors to open the indoors to the outdoors. Spoiled!

Of my 3 donated garden art items, the most popular was the one I spent the LEAST amount of time and money on. Go figure. I converted a $10 coffee table I bought from the KSL Classifieds (like Craig's List) into a planter with drought tolerant succulents. The little elderly woman who won it just couldn't stop praising it. She was adorable!

I also made a 'Plant'ation Privacy Screen with removable and positionable plant pockets. I got the idea from a fabulous California designer and reinterpreted it in a way that would enable the plants to live for longer than a magazine photo shoot. I had to sew all the pockets out of a special combination of fabrics. I kinda wish I'd kept it for myself but the shutter was expensive and donated as were some of the plants so I HAD to give it up. I won't put that much time into a donation again but I might make one for me sometime!

'Plant'ation Privacy Screen. It will be MUCH cooler when the plants all fill in. I do get to babysit it for the winner for a month or so while they're out of the country so I don't have to give it up quite yet.

Succulent Living Picture

My final item was an 18 x 24 inch living picture filled with hardy succulents and ready to be hung on an exterior wall. As you can see, drought-tolerant succulents were sort of a theme for the evening!

I wish I had more photos to post but I was too busy putting out little fires to get more pictures. Also, I am NOT a high-brow kind of gal so I had no idea how high on the tacky scale it was to take photos during the event. I didn't want to chance it!

How to Forgive, Advice?

2011-08-23T00:30:00.000-07:00

Today I came face-to-face with the closest thing I have to an 'enemy'. The person in question is a former friend and mentor who helped set in motion one of the hardest trials of my life. The event that unfolded was, without a doubt, one of the hardest trials of her life too- perhaps made harder because she was the one person who could have prevented it, but chose not to. I have not spoken to her in 5 years. Not since I helped send her son, also a former friend, to jail.

Obviously, something like that makes you think. She was cordial to me as was I to her. We were in a professional setting and neither was willing to be the 'smaller person'. Needless to say, we weren't interested in hanging out and catching up on old times either!

For years I've thought that I can't forgive her for withholding information that ultimately brought so much pain and shame to us all. She can't forgive me for making the whole sordid theft public. Her son managed our non-profit charity and secretly stole $27,000 from the group before we finally caught him- she was the reason he was in a position to do that, her vouching for his character even though she knew, and withheld, information about previous accusations of theft by groups he had 'helped'.

She can't forgive me specifically, though others were involved in the decisions, for pressing forward with having him prosecuted rather than settling the whole thing secretly and for 1/27th of the funds he actually stole with no one the wiser.

I will say that it would have been far easier on US to have settled it her way too- the public spectacle hurt ALL of us. It was an agonizing 2 years for everyone but the thief, whom I believe to be seriously mentally disturbed/ narcissistic/ sociopath.

So, after all these years, there we were in the same room. I was relieved that I no longer have a visceral reaction to her- or him either for that matter. I was scared that I might. When I saw her today, I even missed the friend and mentor I thought she was before it all went bad. And that was a relief. When I've been really hurt, I can hold pretty tenaciously to my judgments, even when doing so only hurts me. It takes an awful lot to get on my list but I'm pretty crappy about letting people OFF the list.

When I saw her today and DIDN'T have a strong emotional reaction, I knew I was finally ready to 'forgive' the offense against me. I will never again be her friend, that would be dumb and forgiveness doesn't require it. However, I think I am ready to let go of the hurt and judgement I hold against her specifically- though I'm still not ready to let him off the hook. Perhaps she has decided to forgive me too?

Truth is, I am to blame for some of my own suffering. If I'd gotten a backbone sooner and trusted my own intuition, been less 'loyal' and more objective, the problem could have been snuffed out when it was small. Then, once I did find out about the deceit, I could have handled things with more grace. I didn't. I was betrayed and humiliated by people who pretended to be my friends and I self-righteously wanted my pound of flesh. Ultimately, it wasn't nearly as satisfying as I thought it would be. It was just sad all the way around. I felt no joy when I watched them haul him off to jail even though I knew it was in the best interests of everyone.

So that brings me to the now. How do you finally close a door of judgment against someone? What does forgiveness look like to you? I am not entirely sure I feel bad about making his crimes public (though I've wished I would have shown more class and less barroom brawler), so I guess it would be disingenuous for me to apologize for that. Do I just quietly let it go and know that I've moved on to a place where I can view her more neutrally? We'll never be friends again and I certainly would never trust her but forgiveness doesn't mean that things are back to the way they were, just that the powerful emotions have been overcome. What do YOU do when you have a hurt, big or small, to forgive? How does that change if you are also at fault in the situation?

Somewhere Under the Rainbow

2011-08-21T00:50:00.000-07:00

After a few years with some showers (aka my "Mid-Mom Crisis") I think I have found exactly where I am supposed to be and exactly what I am supposed to be doing in life. I now have opportunities to use some of the skills I put on the shelf when I became a Mom and I am enjoying it so much!

A few nights ago my Hubs played drums for my Dad's band and the menfolk were paid handsomely for their time and effort. That means they could afford to take us (Mom and I) out to eat before heading home. A paid gig AND date credit? Score for the spouse! We had no idea that Applebee's would be so hoppin' on a Thursday night nor that there were so many non-inebriated folks willing to sing bad karaoke but it was so fun to double date with my parents (can you imagine how horrified I would have been as a teenager to know that someday I'd WANT to go on a double date with my parents!?)

This morning I facilitated classes at work and had to pitch-hit and teach when one of the instructors didn't show. I taught 53 people from a generic power point presentation, zero notes and with no preparation time- and I totally thrive on that kind of thing! All the training and practice I had in my pre-kid years came roaring back just in time and everything went surprisingly well. Judging by the class evaluations, everyone left happy. Whew!

Later today we enjoyed getting pummeled by some funky sideways rain and hail while the kids frolicked. I do regret not running out there myself but I chickened out when the hail started and settled for taking photos.

Anna throws down some of her very best dance moves, all for Mother Nature's benefit.

My kids + neighbor kids enjoyed the rush of warm water covering their feet. There's nothing like a summer storm!

Tonight, Dad, Mom and the kids all piled on our big bed to watch one of our favorite shows- "World's Dumbest..." We don't all fit on that bed as well as we used to but it was wonderful to snuggle in together and laugh at the antics people even dumber than us! I love how the simple act of mocking others has the power to draw us closer together as a family! LOL!

I'm just in a place right now where I feel like I really 'fit' in my own skin and I'm so thankful for that. I am content and happy. I am spending my days doing things I enjoy and that make a difference, even if the difference is only in the lives of our own family. I am so grateful for my awesome spouse who is likely the only man in the Universe who could deal with "The Cindy".

I know these magical moments are fleeting and some fresh life stress will crop up to put a damper on things, but for now, I feel like the rainbow ends in my own front yard- and now I have proof it's true!

Can you see the rainbow ending right in front of our house? Booyah!

10 Reasons Why I Temporarily Quit Blogging

2011-08-17T22:20:00.000-07:00

1. I had NO IDEA how hard I would have to fight for computer time this summer. You'd think that in a house that has 3 good computers and 5 total computers (with 5 family members I might add) that time would not be such a commodity. It has been.

2. I failed to account for how much MORE time the kids would need with me this summer. Unless they are on the computer, of course.

3. I failed to account for how much MESS 3 eating machines can make when they are living without an externally enforced schedule. My house is in a constant state of disaster and it's so frustrating!

4. I am staying up WAY too late because the kids are staying up way too late and then I'm too tired to fire up the minimal brain cells needed for one of my blog posts.

5. We've got a HUGE high-end Gala event happening for my work 10 days from now. I love planning parties but I've never gotten to help plan a $40,000 soiree for the social elite before (we've already raised $72,000 and the fundraiser hasn't even happened yet!) Obviously, I want everything to be PERFECT because it sort of has to be- perfect is the expectation. I've made some very trendy DIY garden projects for the auction (which I'll post about later) that I am donating through my design business so that's freebie work done outside of business hours that takes up more time.

6. My camera situation is a mess. One I can only download at home, the other I can only download at work. One doesn't work so well SOMETIMES and the other doesn't take as good of photos. Blog posts without photos are boring.

7. Blogging is actually a habit and now I'm OUT of the habit. I am hoping to dive back in once I get the people back in school (See #1) and work calms down (see #5).

8. I am getting boring in my old age. I have plenty to blog about but it may not make for an interesting read.

9. I spend a fair amount of time doing social media stuff at work which makes me less interested in doing it at home.

10. I am overwhelmed by how much I feel I need to catch up on as we've had an eventful summer. So I avoid it. Given the situation in #6 above, creating REAL posts with REAL material takes longer so I just don't do it. Sigh.

I miss being on my blog and 'chatting' with all of you on your own blogs. I hope to be back in full-force come September! I'm still here, just drowning in all the OTHER stuff taking up my time. Soon enough I'll be able to focus again. Maybe.

40 x 40 Challenge

2011-08-07T23:53:00.000-07:00

There are few things more annoying than listening to a fatty whine about her weight. That's why you'll probably want to stop reading this post now- because I'm about to say some very uncomfortable things about my new-found weight. Maybe even embarrassing things and there will absolutely we whining. There will not, however, be pictures because I'm going to allow myself to retain just a little pride!

A few years ago, I lost a bunch of weight. Not all the weight I wanted to lose but enough to feel fabulous. I kept it off for quite awhile too. I told myself that even if I didn't lose more, I didn't want to have to re-lose what I'd taken 9 months to get off the slow and healthy way- with incremental changes I could stick to. And I COULD have stuck to them- I just didn't.

No, instead I added all sorts of commitments to my life and got myself so unnecessarily busy that 'eating on the run' rather than eating AFTER a run became my norm- again. I do that. I go in cycles of taking on too much then, when the commitments come to an end, doing too little due to burn out. Perhaps now that I recognize the pattern I can do more to stop it?

I could go over the hows of the regain but it doesn't really matter- it's all just excuses. The point is that I found ALL that I have lost and maybe a pound or two more. Depressing. I'm the fattest I've ever been non-pregnant- and if I gain another 5 lbs., I'll be at the weight I was when I delivered TWINS!

Look, I don't care about being perceived as 'thin'. I just want to hit that sweet window where when someone looks at me, I they don't notice that I'm thin OR fat. I'm just me and my weight isn't all that noticeable. Is that asking so much?

I have a lot of shame about my fat. I don't want to have it but I do. It's the one area of my life I can never seem to pull together and my fat is visible so everyone knows it. I can acknowledge that fact while still appreciating that my entire sense of self is NOT tied up in my weight. Nobody worry that I'm about to fall apart around the edges because of it. I'm pretty pleased with where my life is at, I just want to enjoy what I already have, more.

So, instead of continuing to wallow in regret, as I have been for the last few months while stuffing down the shame with cupcakes, I will throw the guilt and self-recriminations aside. I will focus on how good I FELT 30 lbs. lighter than I am right now. I will go back and review the detailed notes I kept each week to remember how I did it the first time and I will just start doing. No big whoop. All that's left is to set the larger goal so I can break it down into smaller, 12-week pieces.

Generally, I think it's a BIG mistake to tie weight loss to a time frame- even a realistic time frame. It puts the focus on the result rather than the process and focusing on the process is how to keep the weight off. Even so, I have to have some sort of goal. I'll be turning 40 next Spring so I guess I'll use that as the point of inspiration for me.

I have a loose goal of losing 40 lbs. by the time I turn 40. I say loose because 40 x 40 is just a catchy number- not an IRS deadline. Any weight I lose between now and then is worthy of celebration and I won't consider it a 'missed' goal if I don't hit exactly that number on exactly the target date- but there has to be a target to strive for.

I don't imagine I'll blog much about it except when I hit some of my milestones but I have to publicly say I'm trying because I need the accountability and for some reason the excitement of blogging about succeeding at weight loss motivates my not-so-inner attention whore to action.

I guess it's the "40 x 40" challenge for me! Woot!

Blogger Difficulties?

2011-08-06T01:10:00.001-07:00

I know this happened awhile back but they made some changes to Blogger and now I can't comment on posts. I got so frustrated by typing out responses that couldn't be posted that I just sorta quit commenting altogether. And then I quit posting on my own blog too. And then I got out of the habit of blogging and blog reading. I miss it.

I want to participate in blogging again instead of just reading. So, people, how do I fix this? I sign in to my blog with a non-gmail account but it appears I have to use a g-mail account to comment? That's fine, I have a gmail account but when I go and try to add it to my profile, it says the profile addy must be non gmail? I'm confused. I really want to start actively blogging again but I need to fix this techincal problem first. Help!

Scarlett and Ripley Have Arrived!

2011-07-09T00:40:00.000-07:00

The baby girls arrived via scheduled c-section this morning. Scarlett weighed in at 6 lbs. 12 oz. and is 18" long. Ripley is 6 lbs. 15 oz. and a whopping 20 inches long. They are clearly fraternal twins but they're both GORGEOUS! We think Ripley may go blonde and Scarlett has giant dimples in her cheeks.

Love this photo of the proud Mama!

Afton meets one of her new sisters (Scarlett I think).

Oh yeah! I've been waiting many months to have my arms full-o'-babies again. It felt just right!

Sleeping twins. Scarlett is on the left, Ripley on the right.

Megan's doctor told her that it is one of the smoothest twin pregnancies and deliveries he has ever had. I am so very grateful that she got to have such a wonderful experience. There will be plenty of stress in the months ahead, I'm thankful she did not have to experience much of it with the pregnancy and delivery.

Of course, I can't help but reminisce on my own vastly different experience.

The night before Megan delivered her twins, she and Trev went out to dinner then home to try and sleep. They didn't sleep much because they were too excited to sleep!

Greg and I shared dinner the night before our twins were born too- in my hospital room where I'd been on bedrest for weeks. I also put in a near-sleepless night before I delivered my twins. My water broke at 2 am while I was asleep and I lay there, alone, for 4 hours stark raving terrified as worried nurses ran frantically about and made not-so-hushed phone calls in the hallway. I finally woke Greg at 6 am with the call he didn't want to get and he rushed over to the hospital.

My sweet sister did not have to spend even 5 minutes today wondering if one or both of those sweet babies would die- and she certainly did not narrowly avoid that end result as we did.

Today the room was filled with joy and excitement- just as it should be and oh so much love! We were terrified and shell-shocked- but filled with oh so much love too!

In a few days, she will get to walk out of that hospital WITH her babies. We left ours behind at checkout time, still fighting for their lives.

My newest nieces will come home to a beautiful room, lovingly prepared and surrounded by family.

We brought our home, after weeks of the NICU, to a temporary apartment, alone.

The ladies were given not only a clean bill of health today but told they were extraordinarily healthy. We didn't know for sure if our twins would be healthy until years after their births.

I am so very grateful that my sister got to have the experience that I wish had been mine as well. It was several years after my twins were born before I could hear about someone having a 'normal' experience and not feel tremendously guilty and inadequate- why couldn't I have given that start to MY babies? Now that our twins are old enough to know that there are no long term problems, I've been able to let that guilt go. In fact, I was happy that I felt very little of that ugly old Mom Guilt rear it's head at me today.

However, today I was also little envious as I wish I could have had as beautiful experience as Megan and Trevor enjoyed today.

Even so, I am so pleased that THEY got to have it and that I could enjoy it vicariously through them. So in a way, I suppose I got to experience a perfect pregnancy and delivery after all- it just wasn't mine. It was all worth it though. I love my not-so-little-anymore-twins to pieces and we're ALL going to adore the newest additions to the family too!

I've posted the above video a few years back but I'm feeling nostalgic tonight. I can't wait to put in some serious cuddle time with my newest nieces!

Twin Day!

2011-07-07T17:55:00.000-07:00

My lil' sis, Megan, will be heading in to the hospital in the morning to have the twin girlies! I am so excited to meet my newest nieces, Ripley and Scarlett. We held a Diaper Shower for her a few weeks back and she received almost 4,000 diapers! Lots of other good stuff too!

Poor Meg is about to pop! She not only has 'cankles', she has 'kneecles' as her feet, ankles, and legs are totally swollen. There's not even a shadow of a belly button left on that girl! (okay, TMI) However, she made it all the way to 38 1/2 weeks with TWINS! They are estimating that the ladies will each weigh in the 7 lb. 10-12 oz. range but I'm expecting them to be a lot smaller- they never seem to get it close with the weights.

Megan AND her spouse, Trevor, have been busy sewing for months and have an adorable room all made up for the girls. They made all of the bedding, matching outfits and just about anything else she could think of. Meg's been nesting, hardcore!

If the girls are even HALF as cute as their big sister, Afton, it's going to be about the cutest girl-herd in town.

Afton looking like someone out of "Mad Men" with her faux smoking and adorable retro yellow dress, also sewn by Megan.

Everything is as prepared as it can be with twins- and anything left undone can be figured out later! Congratulations on a long and very successful pregnancy, Meg & Trev! Now get me those babies, I feel the need for some snuggles!

If you want to post some encouragement, Megan blogs over at Meg's Got A Spot.

Less is More

2011-06-19T00:27:00.000-07:00

I am home. Physically. Mentally. And in my heart. I feel so light and free- and happy!

I stayed up all night, literally, on Thursday in order to finish a huge design. I finally went to bed at 5:30 am then got up and was off to my regular job by 8:00. I had to have the Hubby drive me out to the client's house last night as I didn't think it was a good idea to drive that far with only 2 hours of sleep in a 36 hour period. As I handed over the drawings to the people I decided will be my last design clients of the season, if not forever, all I could think about was that I was getting my own life back.

As I look back on the last couple of incredibly busy months, it's just so clear to me. I CAN do it all. I can work a part-time job I love, keep my landscape design consulting business and raise my family. I can do all of those things successfully. I just can't do them and really live at the same time!

I don't want my life to be an endless round of simply 'getting things done'. Checking things off the list that I think I *should* do or even want to do. Thinly spreading my time like melted butter on hot toast- desperately trying to make it reach to all of the corners before it's absorbed.

I want to really LIVE my life. I want to be present in the moment instead of constantly thinking about everything else I SHOULD be working on. So many women think working from home would be the perfect thing- and it is, if you don't care about home FEELING like home. I want to BE here when I'm here.

I now know, without a doubt, that I could be super successful in my field if I'm willing to sacrifice the time necessary and pay that price. I've had a taste of it and, it really DOES taste pretty good- but not nearly as good as the sound of laughter that comes from time well 'wasted' doing nothing important. There are simply too many other things that I value more than personal 'success' and all four of them live within these walls with me.

I want to spend more time playing Legos with my boy, taking bike rides to the parkway and crafting with the girls. I want to sit out on the front step with the Hubs in the evenings and be present in that exact moment- without the distraction of thinking about the other things I probably *should* be doing. I want to waste more time on silly things. I want to spontaneously go places because we can. In short, I want fewer obligations to things that are less important than my family.

No, I'm not quiting my job at the Garden but I am quitting the consulting business, mid-season. I'm letting go of that ambition and the decades-long desire to become someone 'important' (however that is defined) in my field of endeavor. I can finally let it go because I've proven to myself that I am capable of it- I just don't choose it. This Mom gig isn't a fall back position for me (as self-described feminists may claim) because I'm too scared etc. to pursue my own dreams or because I'm incapable of succeeding in the 'real world'. I, like most Moms I know, am CHOOSING to spend all the time I can on the Mom gig because the rewards are just so much better!

Tomorrow is Father's Day and I'm going to spoil my Husband who, I'm pretty sure, is a Super Hero. He is NOT a perfect man but he's the perfect man for me. We always joke that the combination of the two of us equals one perfectly functional person! He's been a rock the past few months while I tried my wings and learned who I could be and, more importantly, who I wanted to be.

Ultimately, I CHOOSE to be "LESS" than the world would define as a successful person because, honestly, 'LESS' is more!

Just random stuff that is probably boring

2011-06-11T21:27:00.000-07:00

Argh! I have so much to write about and catch up on. And no download cord for my camera so I can do it!

Over Memorial Day Weekend we christened the new mini-van with it's first road trip. After driving 1,300 miles in 5 days with 3 kids, I think it's the last LONG trip we'll take for awhile! Yowza! However, it was AWESOME to visit my Husband's twin brother and family. The kids loved having their 'Colorado Cousins' all to themselves and we had a wonderful time. I will post all about it when I can get the photos off the camera.

I have only ONE more design client to finish and then I am DONE for the season with all obligations met! I'm exhausted. And tired of being so distracted and mentally not 'present' when I am at home because there are always other things I SHOULD be doing no matter which of those things I'm working on. And, well, my house is a wreck because it's the least cool thing I get to do each week. Why would I want to fold laundry when there are more interesting things to do? Sadly, we still need clean laundry. Sigh. Most importantly- it's summer, the kids are home and THEY want my time. A few weeks ago I decided to just simplify and that the consulting business is the thing that has to go.

I think I made that decision just in time as my cute spouse has decided to head back to school. I'm excited for him to finish that degree that he ALMOST completed before the birth of our twins changed everything (for the better but changed nonetheless). He has a degree already but finishing this one will open some new doors for him within his same company. I think when you return to school as an older student you have the maturity to appreciate that you're there to LEARN not just get a degree and thus you obtain a better education. Greg really enjoys the process of learning so I think this will be great for him.

Oh- and in the interest of simplifying, I'm also trying to get out of my Scouts calling too! I've been in for 3 years. The kids are great but I'm spent. Besides, they just snapped up my spouse for Scouts so they should be willing to set me free- right? Cross your fingers for me!

Lots of other stuff going on and I may or may not blog about it soon. I do hope to be back to a more regular reading/posting schedule after I complete this last design. Woot!

The Summer of Change

2011-05-30T22:43:00.000-07:00

The kids will be out of school in just 2 1/2 days. In the 'normal' life I've led for the past decade, that meant all kinds of things. It meant sleeping in daily until we felt like getting up. It meant a parade of friends in and out of the house, all day, every day. It meant impromptu trips to the park or "Adventure Days" where we'd go wherever tickled our fancy- well, so long as it was cheap anyway! It meant jumping on the trampoline or, last year, swimming in the above ground pool.

It also meant a lot of extra cleaning, messes, lunches, snacks, cleaning. It meant more laundry from wet towels or blankets hauled outside for no apparent reason. Sadly, it will STILL mean more work for me at home! Of course, it also meant less quiet time and more "MOM! MOM! MOM!" but the trade off was being together all day, everyday- for better and/or worse. A whole decade of that!

This year summer means something else for all of us. There will be no swimming pool or trampoline- we can't have anything that's an 'attractive nuisance' around when we're not home. It means friend time, trips to the park or anywhere else really must wait until I get home from work- even if I do start my work day earlier to try and compensate. It means Dad working from home sometimes (which is good) and the kids being away from their home and friends a few days per week too. It means all of that. And I feel sad. And guilty.

I'm sad because it's a loss of the carefree, endless summers we have known and loved (and, if I'm being honest, at times hated). It means my kids will have to now conform parts of their lives to MY schedule instead of the reverse. We have been so fortunate to have had the decade of full-time Mom years we had- but sometimes it's still hard to know those years are over for our family. I may only work part-time but it's still time spent away from home each day.

And I feel guilty because I LOVE my job. I love the exciting things I get to do each day. I love doing things that stay done. I love using my education, brain and talents in ways that are interesting to me and benefit the organization I work for. Ironically, it's all the stuff I USED to do for free! The major difference now is that I get paid and I'm required to be there instead of choosing it each day. I am growing so much as a person but I can't help but feel some of it is at their expense. Because it is.

Yet I know that even though we have a few hours per day LESS than we had before, we can still make it count! It's funny how we make better use of time when we see it as a more limited commodity. We'll still have Adventure Days. There will still be the park and the pool. The only thing that is different is the time of day we'll have to do it. Okay, the sleeping in thing IS a big loss! No way around that one!

I Was GOING To Update My Blog BUT...

2011-05-16T21:32:00.000-07:00

It seems rather pointless now! I followed this guy on the freeway earlier today. Of course, reaching over to the passenger side seat to grab my camera while driving 70 mph on the freeway then balancing it on the steering wheel to get this shot? Well, lets just say I risked making it to Judgement Day exactly 5 days before this guy!

Garden Fair/ Mother's Day

2011-05-08T23:20:00.000-07:00

I did my Studio 5 appearance on Friday and I thought it went okay (especially if I just listen to it rather than look at myself in the video! LOL!) I can't seem to get the video to embed so I'll just have to post a link. It seems really lame that I can't post the video on my blog but it appears there are system challenges that prevent it.

Dang! My camera has issues! Not the best photo.

Brook was really nice and it was interesting to see how shows like this are put together. The anchors seem all calm and collected on camera but behind the scenes they were RUNNING to get to each location for their individual segments.

I also spent Friday morning hanging out in the Garden with Big Buddah from Fox 13. It seems like it would be really hard to listen to the producers and anchors in one ear while talking to someone else live and it's amazing to watch these folks work. When you watch it on tv things seem to go so smoothly but it's a lot more complex than that!

Big Buddah interviews my boss.

I enjoyed meeting new people and talking to them at the Fair but that's nothing compared to what Greg experienced. He had the opportunity to play The Blues with Peter Breinholt! My man loves music of all stripes and was thrilled to listen and participate. Our thanks to Peter for being so genuine and to allow for an impromptu jam with my spouse- more than generous!

Oh- and I ALMOST forgot! Since I had to work the Garden Fair all day on Saturday, Greg had to take Anna to her dance competition. That is NO PLACE for a Dad to have to be! Poor guy was totally unprepared for the coordinating-outfit-chaos that is a girls' dance event. Apparently he was SCARED and nearly blinded by all the bedazzled and bouffant dance girls. I was pretty worried about him managing that whole scene but he survived it. He gets HUGE Dad points for that one! He even remembered the camera and got some cute photos for Anna.

Anna with Miss Alicia and her dance friends. We REALLY like this studio. So much more girl-oriented than the 'fancy' studio she danced at previously.

******************************************************
After getting up VERY early to be to work on Friday and Saturday, I was exhausted this morning. Greg and the kids made me breakfast in bed which was wonderful. Greg helped with lots of little projects around the house today and has taken very good care of me.

The highlight was a card my Sweet Bethany made and gave me this morning which just made me cry. I am so proud of the kind and thoughtful girl she is! Besides loving her because she's my daughter, I also just really LIKE the person that she is. I sure hope that doesn't change as the teen years descend upon us. The card was filled with the stuff Moms live for but so rarely get. She made the card herself (my favorite kind) and wrote the following:

"Dear Mom,

Happy Mother's Day! I love Mother's Day. It means another year that you have loved me. I love it when you help me with my problems. I love that I can trust you. I like it when you don't yell at me when I mess up. I love you!

Love, Bethany"

Today Logan, Dad and I worked on his "State Report". That's challenging for all of us but Logan dug in and worked hard. It's still not quite done but we're getting close. There's more I could say about the project but, well, I'd better not. Suffice it to say, we'll ALL be happy when it's done!

It was an exhausting weekend. I'm looking forward to the totally lack of anything exciting planned for this week. Whew! We all need some recovery time!

The Highlight Reel

2011-05-04T22:42:00.000-07:00

So much has been going on around here that I haven't had time to THINK, much less post and even less READ. Sorry! We've had a wild couple of weeks! Since I'm so ridiculously behind, I'll have to do a quickie update on the whole family.

Greg:

FINALLY got to use the truck in 4-wheel drive when we went Geo-cacheing, Jeeping and Rockhounding with his side of the family in the West Desert. The "Middle of Nowhere" was surprisingly crowded.

Wearing big girly glasses that belong to our niece, Star, for every one's entertainment. Guess putting the truck in 4-wheel drive made him feel secure enough in his manhood to try on the glasses!

Katelyn and Bethany

Anna desperately searches for Geodes.

Enjoyed jamming with his favorite local musicians and, later, family on the B-Line stage (aka the coolest 'garage' a 'garage' band could ever have).

Attended his first Scout camp out last weekend. He camped in the back of the truck which he has turned into his own personal snail shell complete with working electrical sockets, solar powered battery and lighting. So much for roughing it! Even better, they stayed at Crystal Hot Springs while the rest of us woke up to several inches of snow! No photos. Dads don't 'do' photos at stuff like that- NOT COOL!
Celebrated 15 years of being married to the awesomest woman ever! He says I'm the "Best Wife I've Ever Had". I tell him he's the "Best Husband I've Ever Had" too. LOL! Guess we'll be going for the Sweet 16 this year. Whew! I'm a keeper.
Debuted his keyboard talents for our ward talent show. Most people have heard him drum but I don't think many knew he can also play the keyboard. He also plays the harmonica and a little guitar. All self-taught. The man can't even read music but he can play nearly anything just by hearing it and make up songs for a full orchestra off the top of his head. Love me a Music Man!

Logan:

Had a great visit with his Colorado Cousins who came out to see us. We'll be heading up there at the end of this month to return the fun!

Enjoyed the Scout camp out with the Dad and spent lots of time with his friends doing wild boy stuff!

Did too much wild boy stuff the day BEFORE Scout camp and nearly cut the tip of his finger to the bone! After 6 stitches, he seems to be doing better but he has no feeling in the finger tip. An even greater concern is that he may have severed the tendon in which case we'll end up with surgery to re-attach it. Hopefully that's not the case but, if it is, we're glad it's just a tendon they'd be re-attaching rather than an entire finger tip! I will spare you a photo of "The Finger".
Enjoyed a field trip to Antelope Island. No photo of this- see Bethany section for the reason.

Bethany:

Had her vocal debut at the ward talent show. She sang "In the Arms of the Angels" by Sarah McLaughlin and NAILED IT! That's a hard song and I didn't know if she should attempt it- then I heard her sing it. I'm proud of her for doing a wonderful job and for having the confidence and courage to stand up and let her voice be heard (even if she DID have a death grip on the microphone!)

Dropped her camera in a public toilet on the class field trip to Antelope Island. Pretty sure the thing is a goner. Too skeeved out to touch it. Bethany is devastated. Poor kid, stuff like this always seems to happen to her and she's my most conscientious child!

Bethany and one of her best friends

Probably the last photo ever to be taken with what is now known as the 'toilet cam'

Anna:

Performed in her FIRST dance competition. The girls won a trophy and I think the dance won 1st in that category too. Not sure. Don't really care. My daughter LOVED every second of it and looked adorable in her costumes- that's what matters.

Enjoyed a class field trip to Butterfield Farms with her Mama and classmates to learn where food comes from.
Enjoyed nights out with her sister and Cousin Millie as well as dinner at a restaurant with the girls from dance after a performance.

Me:

Woke up to A LOT of snow the day of our big planting party and about died! HUNDREDS of dollars of tender container annuals were sitting in my garage to be sold at the event. LUCKILY we sold enough to NOT be upside down on the event but I certainly didn't make much of a profit. Had a lot of fun though and that's kind of better anyway!

My front yard

My friend and container garden designer extrodinaire, Holly, teaches the fine art of planting to brave participants while I peddled our plants!

Doing too much work for design clients (still running my design + consult business in the after I finish my morning working at the Botanical Garden) and spending too little time living my own life. Putting the breaks on new clients until June. My own yard is a disaster needing attention and I want to be home more!

Latest Design Challenge: Full-scale + color waterwise landscape plan for a 3/4 acre rural lot.

Doing some media appearances for work as part of an event we are having this weekend. Feeling really self-conscious but not about to let that keep me from moving forward. I'm CULTIVATING this year, not hiding.
Celebrated our 15th Anniversary. Attempted to blog about that but it got too cheesy so I did not hit 'publish'!

Spring is always the busy season for us but I'm hoping to slow it down a little. Maybe next week?

Plant-astic! Designer Annuals

2011-04-29T22:41:00.000-07:00

Tomorrow morning I'm co-hostessing a "Pot Party". Okay, they said not to call it that! Ahem, a "Container Planting Party" to kick off the opening of my friend's new landscape products yard. The DIY Landscape Center will be filling a container the customer brings with a gourmet blend of LOCALLY produced container soil for FREE!

Some of my pretties.

A local garden radio show host, Joy Bossi, of Joy in the Garden, will broadcast from the event and may answer questions for gardeners if she has the opportunity (I'm not sure how intense the broadcasting part is).

My friend and container gardening genius Holly will be there with me to teach people how to create and MAINTAIN gorgeous container gardens. We'll also provide plants for those who show up with CASH until we sell all the plants I dared buy. I really hope we sell out of plants. REALLY hope.

The challenge is that we had NO EARTHLY IDEA how many potential customers to plan for. The event has been advertised on the radio for a few weeks and the word "FREE" has been said in Utah. Nobody loves free like Utah loves free! However, the weather will be unseasonably cold tomorrow which will disuade some folks. Which brings us back to having no idea how many plants to have available. I sure hope I don't end up wishing I'd bought even more. It about gave me a heart attack to spend as much as I did! But oh, the buying! Sweet Sassy Heaven!

The picture is blurry because of the humidity in the greenhouse. I had to take my glasses off. It's all Coleus foliage but check out the color of all of them bunched together!

I have spent 2 days at 2 different growers. Luckily Holly could come with me today so at least I had the fun of being in the company of someone else who can gawk with near-religious awe at massive greenhouses bursting with tens of thousands of plants- then dig right in! I know I'm a total nerd but spending hundreds of dollars on plants- anything and everything that tickled my fancy- was an experience and a half!

The breeders have been BUSY and there are some over-the-top new annuals being introduced this year! I got my hands on as many of them as possible. I'll go into more detail about the indivdual plants over on Utah Garden Blogs becuase you have to be a real plant nerd like me to get this excited over the new releases.

The plants I'm saving for MY window box. Going with a 'bumble bee' theme (totally appropriate, don't you think?) with black and limey-yellow. Pictured are back: Millet 'Jester' (grass), a yellow Osteospermum but I am too lazy to go out to the garage to figure out which on this is- note the blackish tone on the underside of the yellow petals, 'Lemon' Helichysum, 'Phantom' Petunia and a 'Midnight Lace' Sweet Potato Vine.

Close up shot of the 'Phantom'- it is seriously BLACK. I have another kind called 'Pinstripe' that's black with a purplish stripe and then the all-black 'Black Velvet'. Total knockouts!

Some of the Coleus grouped together. FOLIAGE is the thing that makes a container go from Homespun to Humdinger!

New Petunia 'Pretty Much Picasso' from Proven Winners. Yowza!

And I have a lot more pretty babies too. I'll be sad to see them go tomorrow but very happy to put the money I spent on them (plus some) back in the bank. If you're local, join us tomorrow morning! You don't have to buy anything- just bring over one of your pots and try out the new soil mix for free. We're happy to provide free design advice and growing tips too.

Where: DIY Landscape Center

7961 South 1300 West

West Jordan, Utah

9:00 am- Noon

Be sure and say hello to me if you come!

Easter Eggs- Craft Chick Style

2011-04-26T22:28:00.000-07:00

I sincerely hope I'm NEVER too old to enjoy dyeing Easter eggs. This year we decided to go more with 'artsy' eggs than 'eatsy' eggs so we didn't bother with the food-safe dye. Instead, I pulled out the dyes I bought during my 'pettiskirt sewing phase' two years ago and the kids and I went for the most colorful creations we could possibly make.

Now, this is NOT a project that could be done with very young children and I didn't let my youngest put the eggs in the dye- acid dyes contain some pretty harsh chemicals even though the 'acid' part is just vinegar. The Cushings Perfection Dyes we used came out brilliant!

Logan dives down in his chair so I can't get him on film- I put this one of his elbow up anyway. HA!

Okay, so a little overkill on the egg pictures but they came out so pretty!
Should you ever choose to replicate it, place dye in containers which can withstand very hot water and you will be throwing away after the fact- we just used the heavy duty plastic, egg-shaped cups that come with the regular dye kits. I carefully added dye powder to the cups, put about a Tablespoon of vinegar (or maybe a little more, I didn't measure) in the cup and stirred to incorporate the two into a thin paste. Added hot water and stirred with a disposable spoon. I know it sounds kind of scary but it really wasn't a big deal, we were just being cautious but, again, DO NOT try this will small kids around. These were 'big kid' eggs.

Oh- and the darkest egg (purple-black one) was left in the dye all through Church. And that's saying something because the Sacrament meeting speaker went over time by about 45 minutes! Not that we would know that for sure (relying on neighbor report)- our attention span was far surpassed by 25 minutes over time and we slipped out the back door. Oh yes. We did! Gotta love that 'B' List!

Goin' Live on Studio 5!

2011-04-22T22:29:00.000-07:00

Ack! I will be doing a quick interview on Studio 5 on May 6th to promote an event for work. The thing I'm most worried about is so trivial BUT, seriously, what am I going to wear?

Is that a dumb thing to worry about? The ladies on these morning shows always look so 'effortly stylish'. You know? Every woman they interview is the same way- nicely dressed and accessorized. I don't even own much in the way of accessories! They just look PERFECT but with that 'I'm not trying too hard' thing thrown in. I'm willing to try my guts out to pull off the look but I'm not young, thin or stylish- I'm just not. I just don't want to look too old or too young. Freak! What do I wear?

I'm less worried about the interview part because I have some experience there (though Lord knows there is always a good chance I'll say something stupid or at least word something awkwardly)! In my experience, even if everything you say is eloquent and ONE LINE is dumb- they'll always include that part. ALWAYS.

I also always say that my weight hasn't held me back but there's nothing quite like the prospect of cameras panning your fat to make you inwardly rail against your love of chocolate! Intellectually I know that very few people will be thinking "Dang, that chick is chubby!" but emotionally I worry that *I* will be thinking that and it will undermine my confidence.

So, how do you build up your confidence in your appearance and presentation when you feel a little less than confident in how you look for whatever reason? I mean, I'm not hideous or anything but I'm definitely the chubby chick and maybe not 'hip' enough to pull this off?

Thin

2011-04-20T22:10:00.000-07:00

I'm NOT going to complain about being burned out right now because I do this to myself every year and I KNEW I know better. I just do this anyway. I just can't say "NO" to opportunities, you know? There are so many great things to do, be, enjoy. I want to do it all. Heck, now I'm even getting paid to do all the great stuff I used to do for free. But I'm wearing thin. Falling behind. Overwhelmed. Worried that I am disappointing people. Too tired to stay awake. Too anxious to fall asleep. Feeling like I can't be quite enough.

Yep. Must be Spring. This happens every year. I know that having more business than I ~~want~~ can handle is a good problem to have but it's still becoming an ever-increasing problem. Back to the drawing table. Two more sketch plans to draw up tonight! Maybe NEXT year I won't do this to myself again?

The US Capitol Building

2011-04-17T22:46:00.000-07:00

Nicki and I enjoyed a tour of the US Capitol on day 3 of our trip. Jen had a half-day of meetings so we were set loose on the Capitol.

All three sisters live in the same Congressional District and so we were treated to a tour of our Congressman's office.

The office to the left of our Congressman belongs to the Congresswoman from Arizona who was shot. As you can imagine, that hit pretty close to home in many ways. One of the injured people in that shooting holds the same position for her office as my sister holds for this one. Our whole family got worried doing that mental math. (Oh- and I don't use the names of the politicians on purpose- I don't want it coming up in google searches/ alerts).

Jen and Nicki hang out in the Congressional Office.

And while few people get to hang out in the "Inner Sanctum" above, even FEWER get to see this little DC "landmark". The infamous COT!

Yep. That's the original cot. Not even an upgrade.

Now, you might think that's weird BUT our Congressman gained notoriety for sleeping on a cot in his office while in DC instead of renting an apartment. Why? You may ask? Well, apartments in DC are several thousand a month in rent. He ran on a platform of fiscal responsibility and he does his best to live that. He's been in office nearly 3 years now and The Cot is still his companion. We call it "The Cot Heard 'Round the World". About 20% of Congresspersons sleep in their offices (but few will admit to it). The Congressional offices are SMALL so making the cot work out is no easy thing. There's also a stash of junk food. No idea how the guy stays so thin on a diet of mostly cheeseburgers and packaged snacks! LOL!

The Capitol Rotunda

The tour of the Capitol was provided by the Congressional Office Intern. This allowed us to cut lines etc. that others had to wait in! Now, I'd LOVE to say we got the special VIP treatment because of our sister Jen (who is the Director for the home office here) but, alas, we did not. ANYONE can request a tour of the Capitol from your Congressperson's office. Most Congressional offices provide a few Intern-guided tours per week so long as you can be there when they plan to give them, anyone can join a "VIP" tour of the Capitol- call ahead if you want to do it. It saved us a fair amount of time to go this route.

Afterwards we lunched in the Congressional Cafeteria. Let me just say, that was the best caffeteria food I've ever had. And fairly cheap too- just as we taxpayers would expect! LOL! Thanks, blog readers, for involuntarily subsidizing our lunch that day!

Jen finished up her meetings and we headed over for our tour of the Holocaust Museum. Photography was not allowed inside the museum but the imagery inside was quite powerful- especially the display of hundreds of confiscated shoes. To know that THESE were the very shoes of the victims was overwhelming. They provided personal stories of individuals who were victims in some way of the Holocaust which I found particularly poignant- the perfect way to portray that these were individual people living individual lives before they were engulfed in the horrors of the Holocaust.

It was a powerful museum but, honestly, it was my least-favorite activity in DC. There was a very liberal bias in the way much of the material was presented that I didn't appreciate. It also had some subtle anti-American leanings that made it somehow 'less' for me. None of which is to say it isn't a great museum, it's well done and they take great care to hide the more graphic video etc. from the eyes of children which I appreciated. It's just kind of a downer and you feel sad and guilty for something that had nothing to do with you. Yes, I know, we need to understand it so as to not repeat it- except that it has been repeated in Angola in the 90's but everyone ignores that still.

I'm glad we did it ONCE but it's not something I'd go to again if I return to DC. If you go and don't have a lot of time, scratch this one from the "Must Do" list- though it's worth it if you have already seen many of the other sites before.

We finished off the night by walking from the office over to "Good Stuff Eatery" and grabbing shakes and a burger with our Congressman. It was sort of surreal to be in this place where everything was happening at rapidfire pace. The Federal Shut Down was still pending at this time and it was weird to be RIGHT THERE!

Blurry cell phone camera photo. We thought it was too cheesy to take out the BIG camera for the shot! LOL! (although someone in line recognized him and got a photo with him too).

I knew this guy long before he was elected as my sister ran the campaign that got him there in the first place. I greatly enjoyed chewing up my President "O" burger- I even took a few extra hard bites, just because! Supposedly it's his favorite so it's named after him- and something I can agree with him on because it was very tasty!

Humbled

2011-04-14T22:15:00.000-07:00

Since my last post, I've had some amazing 'teaching' moments happen that have caused me to think about a few things.

1. I read yet another incredible post by Heather of the EO (if you are not following this blog, you MUST)!

In her post which you can read HERE, she said many great things but the part below really resonated with me:

"Gossiping is gross,
you’ll feel that in your heart-gut,

I guarantee it.

And anyway,

you can like just about anyone

as long as you lay your self-righteousness aside."

(emphasis mine).

While I tend to like nearly everyone, (the few I don't I generally avoid), there are a couple of people I don't. And if that person has hurt me terribly and gets on my BAD list (and there are seriously only like 2 people on that list in my entire life), I will never- no matter what- let them off. That Heather tied it so perfectly to one of the personal habits I find most annoying in anyone (including myself)- SELF-RIGHTEOUSNESS. Wow! It's so obvious and yet so not. Got to think more on that.

2. Costco Crazy Mean Mama.

Tonight I was at Costco when I saw a Mom openly yelling at her son who appeared to be about 10. The Mom was, well, clearly at the bottom of the socio-economic food chain judging by her actions and their appearance. She said mean stuff to the boy, pulled him over to her by his ear then he drama-kinged it and stormed off. While the boy was away, a closer bystander did a bit of what I did at the playground the other night- except to the Mom letting her know that her behavior was not okay. In response, the Mom let a string of LOUD expletives fly at the bystander who quickly vacated the area.

Everyone around was uncomfortable and unsure what to do. Some scattered. Some, like me, stayed close just in case the Mom hurt the child or ratched it up a notch (and, no doubt, because a drama was unfolding). None of us dared say a thing to her- we just stood near as 'witnesses'. I worried about the kid as I went all through the store. It's one thing to yell at some unsupervised boys doing some dangerous stuff at a local playground, it's another thing entirely to step on the turf of another parent.

I came up on the incident part way through and had no idea what might have transpired before I was near. I tried to remind myself that there was no way for me to know the whole story- the kid was no angel either. If she had hurt the child, there were plenty of people who I believe would have pounced. As it was, none of us knew quite what to do.

As things calmed and I started toward another part of the store I heard her say "I can't believe you just caused a big scene and embarrassed me because you wanted a basketball! You know we don't have money for that kind of stuff!" Now, clearly the woman embarrassed herself then publicly shamed her kid- so not okay. I thought of insults or one-liners to hurl back at her as I walked through the store (all the while knowing I wouldn't say them). I was mad on his behalf. I also think we were all worried that anyone who was mean enough to do that in public is probably 10 times worse at home. But how can you know?

I continued to be bothered. I judged. I thought maybe I knew enough about the situation to do more. I thought about calling the cops, DCFS, or at least the store management. But that didn't seem right either. I was self-righteously ticked!

As I was driving out of the parking lot, I noticed the pair again. Except this time, a man was rushing away from them back to his car. In the boy's hands was a basketball. The Mother's whole countenance had changed. She had tears on her cheeks as she called out a thank you to the stranger.

Here the rest of us had grown angry and judgemental and thought about punitive actions against the Mom. But the stranger thought only of the boy. And his desire for a simple basketball. While we thought about ways to escalate the situation, this man though only about ways to calm it. I sincerely hope his thoughtful gift saved that boy a whoopin'. What a sweet man to give of himself annonymously and calm the tensions between a scary Mama and her son.

Among other things, it reminded me about the importance of seeing the whole picture, or at least remembering that I CAN'T see the whole picture. Help instead of Judgement. Fixing problems instead of escalating them or handing them off to someone else. Isn't that what the whole world needs more of? All the yelling in the world wouldn't have changed that Mother's heart and treatment of her child. But selflessness could do what self-righteousness could not. Amen!

"GET OFF THE SHED!"

2011-04-12T01:01:00.000-07:00

Can you ladies (and gent) help me settle a little marital disagreement? The Hubs and I disagreed on an appropriate course of action for an event that happened earlier this evening. So I figured I'd ask blogland.

Note- it was a good-natured disagreement and the Hubs has already made his affidavit for this post. I have agreed to share it exactly as he stated it.

Earlier this evening the family decided we desperately needed Dilly Bars from Dairy Queen (okay, in the interest of full disclosure, *I* decided because I'd had a very good diet day and that left me craving sugar, my sweet frienemy). The DQ is right by the playground project my sister and I led a few years back and directly adjacent to that is the new library which is under construction. We decided to check out the progress on the library and cruise through the park eating ice cream (as opposed to walking and getting any exercise).

As we neared the playground, I noticed some teenage boys on top of the Superstructure. This is illegal and dangerous. The Superstructure is 25 feet high and there they were climbing around on it. It is not easy to scale is as numerous 'deterents' are in place but clearly these boys found a way. I get a little emotional about the playground as I, and many others, gave hundreds of hours of our lives to make it a reality. I wanted to pull over and yell at the boys to get down. The spouse was horrified. He reminded me that "It's not your place anymore. The City owns it now".

The boys scaled the picket fence around the slide then climbed up the slide, across the windows somehow and on top of the structure. VERY dangerous.

We circled the park and I was sort of seething inside. I know they're just dumb teenage boys and boys do crap like that- but it still seemed that SOMEONE should correct the behavior. After all, if my kid were doing stupid, dangerous stuff in public and I wasn't around, I'd sure hope someone would call him on it. The spouse did not agree as it isn't our kid so he felt it wasn't our place to step in.

As we passed the playground again, the boys were up there still and now hanging around the edges. I literally could not stand it! So I pulled into a parking space and yelled at them. Yeah. Seriously. I was a little shocked myself- it's not really ME to do something like that. My spouse about died!

"BOYS! GET OFF THERE NOW OR I WILL CALL THE COPS!!!" I hollered- drawing the attention of a few other adults at the playground who could have said something to the boys and didn't. The future Darwin Award Winners actually jumped off the structure instead of climbing back down. When I saw the first kid looking to jump I yelled "Don't JUMP!" After attempting to back talk me, he must have decided that wasn't going to work and he bailed. Given that the boys drove off in a car, they were certainly old enough to know better.

My spouse felt my intervention may have caused them to get hurt (they didn't appear hurt but certainly COULD have hurt themselves by jumping off the structure). I contended that they probably would have jumped off when they got sick of hanging out up there anyway. Sometimes getting involved causes more harm than good and he was concerned that this was one of those times.

My kids were stunned. They'd never seen their Mama do something like that before. Stunned. Then just a little pride mixed in there with the public humiliation.

As we drove off, Greg told me I'd just had a "GET OFF THE SHED!" moment. Indeed he was right!

Get Off The Shed!Will Ferrell, Shed

So, if you came across this situation, what would YOU do?

History on Foot- Washington DC Style

2011-04-09T23:59:00.000-07:00

Day #2 in Washington DC was possibly my favorite. We were pretty exhausted from the traveling and walking Tuesday night so Wednesday morning found all of us slow to wake (not to mention we were getting up at 4:30 am on our biological clocks). Even so, we packed in a lot of sight seeing (and a nap!)

THE US BOTANIC GARDEN

Well, you just know I loved this stop! Nicki the good photos are still in Nicki's possession (I had the cheapy camera) but I have a few fun ones to share. This garden is located at the foot of Capitol Hill. Jen had training for Congressional staff that day so Nicki and I entertained ourselves- and quite well too!

Nicki and I

The vining orchid you see is how vanilla beans grow- they come from orchids that live up in trees, understand now why vanilla beans are so expensive?

A view from the upper deck of the Conservatory.

AIR & SPACE MUSEUM

Next we visited the Air and Space Museum. It was pretty cool but, honestly, we were too exhausted to really enjoy it- not even a Diet Coke would revive my worn out self. We only spent an hour and a half there. The Father of my friend, Lisa, was a Space Shuttle Crew Member in the 1980's (he was on the flight just before the Challenger disaster then never got to go back up again because the space program was halted for 5 years). I've had the chance to see his home movies of the flight and listen to him talk about the 'Vomit Comet' so I REALLY hoped to find his name listed somewhere in the museum. I should have just called Lisa to ask where to find it! No luck.

We totally loved learning about the Wright Brothers and the exhibit there is pretty darn cool.

Model of an Original Wright Brothers design.

Nicki and I went back to the hotel for a LONG nap after that museum! We got up in time to join Jen and go to dinner at the very delicious farm-to-table restaurant called Founding Farmers- highly recommended!

HISTORY ON FOOT- FORD THEATER WALKING TOUR

The highlight of the entire trip for me was quite possibly the walking tour. It was raining and cold the whole time and we didn't dress warm enough- but that actually made it MORE realistic. If you are in DC and have the chance to do this tour offered by Ford's Theater- you MUST take advantage of it. The actor was excellent and did great improv as well.

Promotional Photo by Ford's Theater (I hope they don't mind my using it as I am pimping their tour on my blog- gratis!)

Our tour started at the back door of Ford's Theater.

We traveled on foot the route John Wilkes Booth used to escape the city that night- past the old boarding house, the patent office and many of the other landmarks or at least the locations where they USED to be. The actor painted a vivid picture of that night and the scene. He read affidavits from the various Washingtonians who were interviewed.

He's reading the testimonial from a distressed 'lady' of that era. In full character- we laughed pretty good at that one.

The tour ended at the White House and we learned the fate of the many "co-conspirators" involved in the plot. Due to the late hour and the rain, the streets were far less busy than one might expect. There were no crowds around the White House. In fact, it was so easy to look at the White House and imagine it was 1864. Truly and awesome evening.

A little ironic that the very President we learned about that night laid the foundation for our current President to serve.

Although I've always liked history, my retained knowledge of the assassination of Lincoln was the standard version- John Wilkes Booth killed Lincoln at Ford's Theater then eluded capture for a few days before ultimately being found and killed. What I learned on the tour was that it was MUCH bigger than that- and that's all I'm going to say about it. If you don't know the rest of the story, I promise you'll want to!

I found it all so riveting that I bought the book that the tour was based on and read it on the airplane all the way home (I even bought it in the gift shop at the Lincoln Memorial). The book is called Manhunt: The 12-Day Chase for Lincoln's Killer. I am about halfway through it but need to finish it this week. Nicki also picked up the book and she's reading it too- FASCINATING stuff! This coming weekend the Robert Redford movie "The Conspirators" will be in theaters and we've got a 'sister date' planned to go see it- we might even let the spouses come too! It just boggles the mind to be so close to the history of this Nation. Totally inspiring.

Moms on the Lam In Washington DC

2011-04-05T22:09:00.000-07:00

I had the totally incredible opportunity to escape with 2 of my sisters to Washington DC. This is really the first official 'Sisters Trip' but won't be the last- I see other such trips in the future (but probably simpler). I have no idea if I'll get another chance to go to DC so we stuffed in all we could possibly see in just 6 days.

Day #1- We didn't arrive until 3 pm but immediately set off to photograph some cherry blossoms down in the Tidal Basin (see- I just said 'tidal basin' like it's old hat to me! HA!). We hit it just right as it was a Tuesday night and less crowded than the suffocating masses that appeared on the weekend. The blossoms were also at their peak that day. Stunning!

My sister Nicki is somewhere between a hobbyist and a pro photographer and had a great camera for photos (a couple security people thought she was with the press so we got a few contraband pictures in the Capitol too).

We may not have started the day until 3:00 pm but I walked like a Pioneer child! I quickly learned why Jen cautioned us to leave cute shoes at home.

Jen and I at the WWII Memorial
We headed toward the Capitol with Nicki snapping photos all the way (all photo credits on this page go to Nicki). We had a tripod with us and Nicki got in a spot of trouble with the Capitol Police outside the White House because you can't use a tripod there I guess. This is the back side of the White House.

Nicki and I in front of the White House.

Nicki managed to get off an amazing shot of the Capitol during the thing photographers call "The Blue Hour". It only occurs in the spring and fall and exists for an hour or less after the sun sets. You have to know how to handle a camera and have a really long exposure to get the shot to work but I think the photo below is REALLY remarkable.

This next shot was taken just 12 minutes later- blue hour was over.

Smithsonian Castle- the original Smithsonian Institute during the "Blue Hour".

We ended the walking tour by stopping at the Pentagon Memorial. This is one of those things best viewed at night. The impact of the lighting transforms the space into something both sacred and magic at the same time. A VERY impressive piece of landscape architecture- I was honored to visit. It's also less crowded at night because most people don't know that is the best time to be there (Jen's DC experience was very helpful for us!)

It's almost impossible to walk through this, read the names and dates, and not cry.

I cannot tell you how young and free I felt wandering this city with my sisters. We're all tied down with our families and work, duties and interests. To just put all of that on the back burner for a week and be with each other made me feel like a kid again- exploring the world with my sisters, just like it USED to be. My only regret is that our other two sisters, Aundi and Megan were not with us. I'm excited for the next sister trip when we can ALL go!

All of that and it was just the first 1/2 day of the trip!

There's No Place Like Home!

2011-04-04T15:14:00.000-07:00

Anna: "Mom, you can NEVER go on vacation again!"
Bethany: "Mom, Dad did okay but he's not you!"
Logan: "I missed you so much {huge hug}!"
Hubs: "We're so glad you're home!"

Ahh! Vacation was wonderful, amazing and overwhelming- not sure if I could even begin to blog it all (but you know I'm going to try!)- still, There's No Place Like Home! It feels good to have missed them and been missed. I love my crazy little family!

Pre-Vacation Jitters

2011-03-27T23:01:00.000-07:00

I'm leaving on a jet plane on Tuesday morning with 2 of my 4 sisters! We're each leaving spouses and 3 kids apiece behind- this is for sisters ONLY. It feels weird. And a little scary. I rarely go anywhere and now I'm going to be gone for 5 full days to Washington DC! Jen has meetings for her job and we're tagging along. Nicki and I will have to entertain ourselves while she attends the la-de-dah cocktail party at the Capitol (yes, stuff like that is part of her job) then other meetings for Congress. I'm sure we're up to the challenge!

Even so, I'm up late stressing about getting everything ready at work, at home, with the kids. Anna is now getting the same lung junk that Bethany, then Greg, then Logan have been powering through. It's nasty stuff. My baby girl looked up at me crying because she doesn't feel good and I about started crying myself. I feel so guilty leaving! I've only been away from my kids for 5 days ONCE before. It's so hard to break away that I'm feeling bad about it.

And yet, this is a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity. Jen can get us into places that regular tourists don't get to go! It seems we're all so busy anymore that I don't get to be as actively involved in my sisters' lives as I'd like to be. I used to talk to each of my sisters at least every other day and now we're lucky if it's once per week. I can't wait to catch up with them and just be together. Still, I'm missing my kids and spouse already and I haven't even left yet. The kids are missing me too. Ugh.

Jen once said she felt like "Currency that doesn't have enough value"- meaning too many places wanting to be paid and not enough to pay all the bills in full. I'm sure I'll be fine once the trip is underway but tonight I just feel torn.

Zion Green Jello Parade

2011-03-27T05:53:00.000-07:00

Where else but Utah would St. Patrick's day be celebrated with green jello instead of beer? Last weekend our family took what was supposed to be a MUCH needed super-fun vacation and headed South where we HOPED it would also be really warm. It didn't go down QUITE as planned.

HIGHLIGHTS: The children and I enjoyed the one-of-a-kind green jello fest in a one-of-a-kind town. I love small town parades. They get to do stuff that would NEVER be allowed in the big towns. The event planner side of me was amazed at how little planning goes into the event and how well it turns out! Our friend is the town manager and he told me that they just put out the word about the time and line up location and they never know for sure who will show up! I love that. Big towns do parades to try and capture the spirit and feeling of a small-town parade. Doesn't work.

The kids eagerly wait for the parade to start.

You can see the line of people laying down under this high-profile vehicle and having it drive over them. Only in a small town parade can you get away with fun stuff like that. It was awesome!

After the parade the REAL Jello begins! They have a Jello Sculpture Contest, activities for the kids and live music. While I wish it had been warmer, the kids still had a great time.

Green Jello man. A wire frame covered in packing tape and filled with green jello. This one came complete with a political message- as most of them seemed to. Gotta love that too!

The always un-political Mike Wazowski! Pictures don't do justice to the way these 'scupltures' vibrate. Jello jiggles after all and seeing these live is a whole different experience from simply seeing a photo.

Afterward, we took a short trip up to Zion National Park which is located on just the other side of town. While we on a mini-hike, we heard what sounded like a sonic boom (or an earthquake)! Rick said it was 'just' the sound of a giant chunk of sandstone falling off the mountains somewhere nearby. JUST!? Very cool and creepy at the same time!

Waterfall

Climbing Kids

Bees + Wixoms = Fun!
LOWLIGHTS: Greg started to feel sick Thursday night but, like most men, thought he'd just tough it out rather than run into the clinic for antibiotics before we left for the trip on Friday. By the time we got there, he was pretty sick. He checked into the hotel while the kids and I hung out with our friends.
After a VERY rough night's sleep and all sorts of symptoms, he and I spent Saturday morning in the InstaCare. He was sick enough to require chest x-rays to check for pneumonia- which he blessedly did not have. The rest of the vacation was spent in bed in the hotel for the Dad. Poor critter. I don't think he appears in a single picture!
The weekend was fun despite the many frustrating setbacks (except for the Dad who only just started feeling better). Our friend's new home is almost done so we'll be back later in the season for a "Do Over" weekend when the Dad can actually vacation on vacation!

*Thanks to Ann for letting me steal some of her photos to post since I can't find the camera download cord for our camera. Ack!

IF YOU GO: You must get pizza at Wild Willies. Possibly some of the best pizza I've ever had even if we DID have to listen to bad karaoke while we waited. They re-opened the kitchen so my growing boy wouldn't starve (it was pretty late) and whipped up some awesome grub. Greg said the meatloaf was just what he needed- a little comfort food when sick. We also had dinner Al fresco at Oscars where I tried the 'Murder Burger'. Not sure if I want to be reminded of that fact while eating a burger but it was pretty dang good.

Springdale is a charming town WITHOUT any sort of chain restaurants, stores etc. but is still affordable (we got an excellent price on summer crocs for the girls at one of the Mom and Pop establishments). My friend has fought hard to keep it that way too! I highly recommend a stay down there, especially off-season (through the end of March) as rates are low and it's usually fairly warm come March. Usually.

Irrational Attachment

2011-03-17T22:44:00.000-07:00

I admit it. I get attached to my vehicles. I name them too. I've owned "Bessie", "Rhonda" and "Ruby Sue". For the last DECADE, my vehicle has been "Stan the Tan Van" or, as the Husband calls him, "Pig Pen".

Pig Pen has had some awesome adventures with our little family. We've driven him since the twins were just 16 months old. He's the van where a 2-year-old Bethany had her first Krispie Kreme Donut then choked on it, vomited and said in a cute little voice "I chokie on a dough nut!" And scared us to death!

It's where Logan would be lulled to sleep in his car seat and make funny little noises that indicated he was about to fall asleep. And where he learned to curse at bad drivers even though he (luckily) couldn't pronounce the word quite right. I just assured him that, yes, we "SIT" down in the van. Yeah, SIT, that's what he was saying!

It's the van where Anna has FIRMLY staked out her spot in the seat behind the driver and Wo, Wo, Wo unto the kid who tries to take it!

It's been to Colorado, Idaho, Nevada, Arizona (briefly) and Oregon. And sadly not too many other places! Stan has seen many adventures around the country and right here at home. He's even provided an inadvertent ride for a penguin, seating for drive-in movies and served as a tent for me and the kids on the Ward campout- so homeless chic of us!

So Many memories have been made in Stan, all our 'little kid years' were facilitated by him and he's been a GREAT van. The kids and I have formed an irrational attachment to "Pig Pen". The Hubs is mostly just attached to his 'paid for' status!

Stan accidentally gives a ride to a magnetic penguin toy. There are serious magnets in there as we drove 50- mph and didn't shake that guy loose!

So it was with MUCH irrational guilt that I gave my Brother-in-law the go ahead to bid on a NEW (to us anyway) mini-van at the auction. We got an awesome deal on a 2010 Chrysler Town & Country Touring van, interest rates on vehicles are the lowest we've ever seen (2.99%) and it will be shipped here sometime in the next week.

I know, it's teal-ish but that made it $1,000 cheaper than the white one that sold 5 minutes later. I'll live with the color to save a grand! I might even like it! Note- this is not the actual van, we bought it sight unseen.

I haven't broken the news to Stan yet but he's probably figured out SOMETHING was up after I paid $160 to have him detailed. I've NEVER given him a spa day before! Took the detail guys 4 hours to clean out 10 years of kids, hauling plants and junk, ME, and spilled whatevers! Yeah, Stan probably KNOWS deep in his decently running heart that we're about to dump him. I hope whatever struggling little family buys him enjoys many years of faithful service just as we have.

And now we'll have a vehicle suitable for making memories for the next decade of our lives. Heck, it will even be reliable enough for us to go further than just the surrounding states if we wish. Hmmmmm....

The 'Art' of the 'Unfriend'

2011-03-14T21:25:00.000-07:00

A recent post on a friends' blog got me thinking about my own Facebook page. I have a lot of 'friends' but, of course, once you hit a certain number, it's not like you really know all those people anyway! In the past, I've used my Facebook page for networking for politics and for the campaigns I've worked on which has brought a lot of casual acquaintances into my sphere. Some just to keep your 'enemies closer' but not a whole lot of those- most of the crazies were de-friended right after the campaign ended.

I'm less interested in politics these days. In fact, now that I am gainfully employed with a State agency, I would assert that TOO much involvement (as in working for candidates) is not in my self-interest. And since I have yet to see ANY politician (even ones I like) put my interest as a constituent in front of their own, I don't feel too bad saying that.

When I was a SAHM, it was great to have the outside connections to broaden my world and challenge my views. Most of my life was lived in these walls and they often felt like they were closing in on me. I struggled with the isolation so all this outside 'noise' was good for me. Now, as more of my time these days is spent OUTSIDE my home for work, I find I'm more protective of who I want to let INSIDE it- even if it is just through my computer.

The question is really HOW does one go about deleting people (especially if you have some powerful people on your list you don't want to offend)? Quietly? Announce you're downsizing and why? I'm totally leaning toward the quiet unfriend. I think I'll use a light touch at first- maybe just 100 or so people- then decide about the next 'level' of unfriending. If you're reading this now and we're 'friends' through blogging- you don't need to worry. It's mostly the political people and their constant "the sky is falling and everything is a crisis" I don't want to deal with anymore. Same rhetoric, different day.

Have you ever culled your list? I know how to TECHNICALLY unfriend people but how does one navigate the social ramifications of it? How did YOU do it? (and did I make the cut!? LOL!) Where did you draw the line?

Exhale! The Home & Garden Show Is Over!

2011-03-13T22:44:00.000-07:00

It's been a VERY long week. Two nights in a row working until 3:00 am to finish my displays. 4 DAYS in a row of the Home & Garden Show with a minimum of 10 hours per day of work. I spent 2 full days in our landscape design & products booth and 2 full days in the booth for The Garden. It was a great show and our booth totally rocked!

DISCLAIMER: I am going to give a shout-out to two awesome companies who helped me pull this off- and cut me some slack for that because I RARELY do that on my family blog and never without being upfront about it! I did not offer or promise either company that I'd blog about them nor did they ask me to. I am choosing to do so because they were so good to me!

Macel & Company makes the most beautiful fitted banquet table covers (it would be sacrilege to just call them 'table cloths') that transform ordinary plastic tables into lovely gathering spots. The fabric is very thick and stain-resistant too. And if that's not enough, the company was the brainchild of two gorgeous and very smart Mom-preneurs who have awesome customer service! They make a 'basic' cover then have a number of different 'toppers' for accents. It's one of those really good ideas that makes you go "Why didn't *I* think of that!" Check out their website linked above. They also sell these at Tai Pan for locals!

The set above is the one they lent me for the show. Isn't it gorgeous!?
Photo courtesy Macel & Company website.

My 'succulent green wall' with 504 (yes, gotta count the '4') tiny succulent plants was a HUGE hit at the show. Lots of people were commenting on and photographing it- one lady even sent photos of it to her Mom in Denmark! While these displays are often seen in California or the PNW- few people here had ever seen anything like it so it was really fun to 'introduce' them to the vertical green wall concept.

I am so fortunate that Proven Winners AIR MAILED OVERNIGHT (I can't imagine what that cost!) the plants to me for the show. On Tuesday morning the plants were still in California and they still managed to get them to me in time for the opening on Thursday!

I am so appreciative that they allowed me to borrow their amazing Retro Succulents in mass quantity! And yes- I just pimped them on my family blog (instead of my work blog) but seriously, that was hundreds and hundreds of dollars of plants they trusted me with! Not only do they have gorgeous plants but they're also a really great company with people who are passionate about creating and sharing.

Yes- those are all live, actively growing plants creating a 'quilt' effect. All foliage- no flowers.

I am happy to report that I will safely, if regretfully, return all 504 of them as no plants were harmed in the making of the vertical wall (though I did have a couple attempted suicides by some echeverias). I enjoyed adopting them for the week. Sigh.

What A Difference A Year Can Make!

2011-03-03T21:57:00.000-08:00

I was just reading a few posts from this time last year and thinking about how much things have changed. Perhaps it's less about how THINGS have changed and more about how I have. And then again, CHANGED isn't really the right word either- I'm still me- but I have BLOOMED (and not just because I've regained a bunch of that weight I lost).

I started this blog back in 2008. I was in the beginning phases of the "Mid-Mom Crisis". If you want to know what that means, read THIS post. Basically, it's finding a new set of goals and interests once you leave the 'getting' phase of life (getting an education, spouse, home, children etc. and in any order) and move to the 'maintaining' phase (kids in school, time to be yourself again, no longer trying to acquire things- you're just trying to hang on to all you've got)!

I'll just say straight up that that 'maintaining' phase is decidedly LESS exciting than the 'getting' phase. The "Mid-Mom Crisis" is when you realize you're in a boring rut with nothing fun out on the horizon- the exciting stuff you planned for your life has already happened. What now? It's a weird place. Not everyone will experience it but I sure did!

And here I am, freshly OUT of the 'crisis' portion, though I'm still a Mid-Mom. I must have thanked the Lord 3 separate times today for the life I am living RIGHT NOW. It's not perfect but wow, I have something to get up and be excited about every darn day!

Today's excitement? Well, it probably won't make sense to most people but imagine if the national 'rock star' of whatever industry you are in agreed to a proposal you managed to get in front of them? I won't use the company name because I don't want it to be google-able but I'll post the coolness next week. I am SO EXCITED today.

In other coolness- I just started the planning phase for a massive blogger Garden Party that will happen this summer. And it won't be about just inviting the 'cool' or 'popular' bloggers. It will be about ALL local bloggers, big and small. We'll have a gorgeous venue (the botanical garden) and a fun evening to come and play and no 'please hawk this item on your blog' involved. Woot!

So, if YOU went to a blogger garden party to meet, eat, and mingle, what would you want it to be like? I need feedback. Cost will be somewhere between cheap and free. It will be on a Saturday evening in mid-to-late August. The Garden will be hosting us and providing some appetizers. What else would entice you to come? Besides the amazing opportunity to hang out with me (that was a joke, I'll be the dork in the back row watching the fun but at least I'll BE there- I hope you will too!)

How's that for a random, disjointed post? I think the high is wearing off and I ought to just go to bed! LOL! I'm in that MODE I get into where I have an idea, or three, that I can't relax until I get it all planned out in my head. Guess it will be another insomnia night but in a GOOD way!

Insomnia

2011-02-27T22:39:00.000-08:00

My biological clock is all sorts of messed up. And it's not just because I am getting OLD (even though I only have one more year before I can no longer delude myself that I'm not "middle aged"- even though I totally am!) No, it's about going to bed ON TIME. I can't seem to help it.

When the kids were toddlers, late evenings were the only time I got to have to myself. You know, when it was quiet and no one was going to call on the phone or needing something? Just sweet, precious silence. And hey, I was a SAHM so 'in theory' (that NEVER translated to reality) I could sleep in or take a nap. Or at least stay in my PJs. My natural night owl was no big deal.

It's a bigger deal now. I'm sitting here tonight thinking of all the stuff I need to do tomorrow- get a grant finished and Fed Ex'd, FINALLY make myself do that freebie design project I promised the County I'd do for a community garden, talk to my child's teacher about some concerns I have, wondering why I'm still saying "YES!"every possible opportunity that comes along when I get so stressed out I don't end up enjoying it much anyway. It's all Just STUFF that fills my brain and could be any sort of stuff- doesn't really matter, all of it will keep me awake. Good stuff. Annoying stuff. Stressful stuff. Stuff.

Stuff that circles in my head like an airplane in a snow storm, unable to land safely and just stop MOVING. I can never seem to just shut it off. And, so I sit here tonight. And type. And avoid bed. And the endless list of 'stuff'- much of which probably SHOULD have been done today, but will most assuredly be waiting for me tomorrow! And I'll not only have to tackle it, but tackle it tired. Why can't I just fall asleep at 8:30 like my spouse? That Dude gets twice as much sleep as I do but it's not because I don't have the opportunity anymore like it was when the kids were little- it's because I can't land that MENTAL airplane!
Maybe the 'STUFF' I really need has an RX on the label?!

Any other Insomia Moms out there? What do you do to get into that 'happy place' that allows you to fall asleep? How do you turn off everything else in your brain?

Fat Mom Shame

2011-02-24T21:24:00.000-08:00

It finally happened. I've been expecting it but now it's real. My son told me that a kid at school was picking on him and one of the things he teased my boy about was "Your Mom is FAT!". These aren't little kids- the bully is an 11 year old boy knows the power of those words.

Every overweight Mom worries that her kids will be made fun of- SHAMED- because of her weight. At first, I was mad. Then I felt shame. And because I don't like feeling shame, I was mad again. I pointed out that the only reason the kid knew Logan's Mom was fat was because Logan's Mom actually shows up to the school and helps out. I asked Logan if he'd ever met this boy's Mother? Nope. Statistically, the bully's Mom is probably fat too! LOL!

I was trying to keep my cool but inside I was transported back to those years I'd never like to remember when I was young and 'chubby' and trying to be invisible. Ashamed that I was a size 10 instead of a size 2 like all the other girls. A little lost in old bagage I guess.

And then my sweet son taught me the most beautiful lesson. Here I was all indignant and huffy and thinking of RUDE comments to fling back at some poor 11 year old kid and MY SON taught me about character. He told me he thought about hurting the boy back- but he CHOSE not to. You see, my son knew something about this child that if thrown in the boy's face could be really painful to that child and he DID NOT take the cheap shot.

That in essence is the difference between emotionally functional and emotionally disfunctional people. The functional folks will always leave the cheap shot on the table because it's more important to lose an argument than to deeply wound the other party to win it- even if it means being compassionate toward a kid you don't even like! It was a lesson I hoped we were teaching him but, in reality, the application comes from his sweet little soul.

I am fat. I say that as a statement of fact, not of condemnation or because I lack self-esteem or because I'm fishing for compliments. I'm confident enough in who I AM to shout out my size! I'd love to be thinner but I don't value it be enough to do what it will take to change it at this time in my life. Maybe someday it will be as important to me as the other places I chose to put my efforts. Or not. Either way, my weight is just a physical trait like my long, blonde "Girlfriend" hair (cause if you don't have "girlfriend" body you'd better have girlfriend hair!), my blue eyes, my quick laugh and a whole host of other cool things about my nerdy self.

I wear a size 16 and not a 6. I will not hide in shame. I will not live LESS of a life than I am capable of creating for myself because of it. I will not tell myself that I can do x WHEN I lose the weight. My baggage is all on the outside for everyone to 'see'. And so the freak what! I know I am supposed to
be "secretly yearning to be thin", and it would be nice, but my weight is just not how I chose to define OR limit myself.

I have no doubt that the teasing from the other child had nothing to do with me or my son and everything to do with whatever that kid is going through. After my initial ticked off reaction, I even summoned some compassion for the boy as I do have some idea of his situation. My anger wasn't really directed at the kid anyway but at myself. First for being overweight and then for being mad at myself for it at all.

I may not do everything right, but I've got an amazing kid. I am so proud of who he is. Who he IS- not how he looks (though he is pretty darn good-looking) or what he accomplishes. Who he is deep down where it really matters. And I'm humbled that I was given the opportunity, against all odds, to be his Mama- even if I AM a fat Mom! My boy loves me, fat and all. There are worse things...

Adventures in Science

2011-02-23T20:13:00.000-08:00

At my work we have a fair amount of open land that sits above the river corridor in the center of the valley. For the past few months, the National Center for Atmospheric Research has had a weather station set up on our property. The station is one of many around the valley but it has a lot more equipment than most other stations. They are here studying the awful winter weather inversions when our valleys fill with smog and ick that is trapped by the mountains and air currents.

A Scientist with NCAR explains the details of meteorology

I was able to arrange for a tour for my Scouts and neighbors on a Saturday and all of us got to enjoy the perks of having the REAL-life "Learning Channel" experience. The kids got to learn about and launch a real weather balloon. Did you know a weather balloon will climb to 70,000 feet before it pops (twice the altitude that an airliner typically flies at). Did you know the balloon will expand from the 4 or so feet across it starts at up to 20 feet across before it pops due to the changes in the atmosphere? Me either.

Preparing the weather balloon. My question: "Has anyone ever REALLY tried to turn weather balloons into hot air balloons or is that an Urban Legend?" He said he knew of at least two such incidents. HA!

There were other 'cool' things too like machines that shoot laser beams at clouds and all sorts of computer stuff. Some of the kids were more riveted than others but it was fun for all.

Checking out the weather balloon tracking system inside the tiny trailer.

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Tonight we had another Scout adventure. My co-leader is a character designer for an video game company. If your children play National Geographic's "Animal Jam" game, Taylor designed all the cool characters and 'accessories' in the game. As you can imagine, every 10 year old boy on the tour thought he has the coolest job ever. I don't have any photos from tonight because the kids were getting to see all sorts of new characters etc. that haven't been 'released' yet and it's all top secret! They loved that too.

The company was wonderful to let us come and take a tour. They were also VERY generous in giving each child an 'invitation' to present to their parents that would enable the kids to be on the 'tester' list for the company. That basically means they would be invited in as test subjects in the future to help them fine tune the games based on how REAL kids play them. Triple cool!

********************************************

I haven't really enjoyed my calling in Scouts much. It's all attitude on my part I'm sure. The kids were wonderful on the two activities we attended but can so often get on my LAST nerve during our regular learning time. I grew up in a house full of women- I'm a little lost with all this 'guy' stuff.

Thanks to the Hubs for ditching his own Scouts tonight (and the leaders in his group who let him) so he could come help us with our boys. It WAS pretty cool to see how video games are made!

Help A Girl Out?

2011-02-21T19:02:00.000-08:00

This is shameless BUT, if you have the time, I could use a little quickie help! I've been very busy blogging (just not on this blog). I am trying to get my new garden blog thing going and could use some one-time help with comments. If you would be so kind as to wander over to the blog and give me some feedback, I'd really appreciate it.

Note- Utah Garden Blogs is totally non-profit. I started it because I was frustrated by either the lack of or my ability to find region-specific garden blogs. I mean, gardening IS regional so information from blogs outside my area are less helpful than those close to home.

My HOPE is that other garden bloggers will jump on the band wagon and we'll have ourselves a 'virtual garden club'. I will be promoting this during the Spring Home and Garden Show (along with everything else I'm doing there) so hopefully new people will join up.

Do you know/read/follow/write a home-projects based blog that includes gardening as a significant topic? If so, please let me know in the comments section- links are great too. I hope to make this a FREE resource for locals as well as have it serve as a mechanism to feed traffic to other people's blogs and provide a venue for guest posts. I have kept it separate from my business website so I can be informal and so that people need not worry about a profit motivation. This is both my vocation and my avocation!

Designing the websites should be done soon (I might actually be starting to understand wordpress) and I'll be back to regular posting here on the family blog! In the mean time- here's a sneak peek of a garden project I'll be posting a tutorial for on Utah Garden Blogs in a few days (just to wet your whistle!)

Succulent Topiary- all living plants that will continue to grow (until I manage to kill them) in this happy little topiary. I JUST planted it so the plants are a little weepy/wilty until they get established- which BETTER be in time for the Home and Garden Show as it will be one of the displays in my booth. If you're going to the show March 10-13 at South Town Expo stop over and say hello! Woot!

Whatever Floats Your Boat

2011-02-14T22:44:00.000-08:00

On Saturday, Logan and buddies got a little creative with duct tape, plastic grocery sacks, styrofoam and painter's tape and made boats. Yes, they used nearly all of the environmental sin items to craft said boats. What good are boats without a lake to float them on? So we hauled a wild array of boys + Bethany over to the little fishing lake and the boats set sail.

It goes without saying that we should have had some sort of plan for retrieval of the boats. Afterall, with the exception of Bethany, our entire group are Scouts/ Scout leaders. Sadly, we didn't. Luckily, the same Cattail plants that were eating the boats also supplied the long stalks needed for retrieving said vessels. Thank goodness they were seaworthy!

All went well- right until it didn't. The boats got stuck in a cattail mire and we could NOT get them free. We improvised some rescue sticks McGuyver-style with my pony tail holder and a jumprope we found on the ground. Fail again.

Then the Hubs decided to step up and be the hero and instead found himself trapped in the mire. Soaked. The MOST important thing to do in that situation is get it on film! Tthe SECOND most important thing is to share ~~evidence~~ experience with others on the blog! Luckily for the Dad, I can't seem to get that video to upload! While Bethany recorded the parental act of heroism, I tried to help him back out and almost became part of the comedy. In the end, he failed to get the little boats to shore BUT ended up soaked to the hips trying to fish them out. In February. And his shoes STILL stink.

Bless the Dad for being willing to risk hypothermia so that the Bees wouldn't be responsible for leaving duct tape boats in a public waterway! Logan summed it up best when he said that we "came with 3 boats and left with one jump rope". Next time, we'll be making boats out of hollowed out vegetables and toothpicks- then heroic measures will not be required.

Laundry Quandry

2011-02-07T15:20:00.000-08:00

So, I tripped on the mountain of laundry in the laundry room today and hurt my arm. When I called to tell the Hubs about it, he suggested I FIRE the Laundry Lady the same way I fired the IT Guy LAST week. It's true- she totally sucks at staying on top of Mt. Washmore. I agreed our Laundry Lady is relatively incompetent. I told the Hubs I had a GREAT solution! We could simply HIRE the IT GUY I fired last week to do the laundry! Problem solved- for me anyway!

(see last post about fired IT guy).

"Deep Hack"

2011-02-01T01:10:00.000-08:00

In the last few weeks, I fired my personal IT guy who maintained my business website on a server in his basement- mostly because I still want to be married to him! To be fair, he was inexpensive (worked for dinner and/or back rubs) so I suppose I can't really complain. And he did do his job- just not always when and how I wanted it.

We have a strict rule around here that the person willing to do the task gets to dictate how it gets done. I don't like how he loads/unloads the dishwasher, so I always do it because it's more important to me to have that done my way than have his help. He doesn't like how I mow the lawn- so he always does it, same reasons. It keeps things nice and friendly and avoids some of the dumb fights we'd otherwise get into as we're both stubborn.

And so when it came to my work website and new blog projects, I had to choose- either let him manage my website(s) as he saw fit or learn how to do it myself. Tough choice! I hate technical crap but I decided it was time to CULTIVATE a new skill.

And this is how I entered the magical realm of "Deep Hack".

"Deep Hack" is this weird place you get to when you are in a state of super-intense hyperfocus, to the point where everything around you seems to recede and it's just you and whatever technical details your mind is trying to grasp. It's this fleeting, tenuous place where the concept that is so hard for you to understand is hovering there, just within your reach so long as no one bugs you with a "MMMOOOMMMMM!"

And just like that, I'm out of The Zone and back to The Mom Zone where everything is a crisis needing "MMMOOOMMMM!" and concentration is a futile pursuit. After some significant frustrating moments- I finally realized I'd have to put aside the website building to be The Mom, pick up/drop off the friends, make the dinner and kiss not-so-little-anymore faces goodnight.

As for "Deep Hack"? Well, I'm still finding it but only between 10 pm and midnight (or like tonight until 2 am when I need to be up at 6:45 am).

There's still a lot I don't understand about how to set up websites- even if I did get a little over-confident the other night telling the spouse I could edit code in php (and trying to say that with a convincing amount of swagger!)

Actually, I've gained even more respect for the complexity of his profession and a better understanding of why the man DOES NOT want to work one day a week from home even though he could. He's afraid the "MMMOOMMM!" might just turn into "DDDAAADDD!" and so long hack mode! I totally GET it now.

Luckily the hard parts of building my sites are almost done! I am making some significant progress and I hope to be to the 'just uploading content' part soon. I'll link you for a sneak peek but only if you pretend not to notice how much work I still have to do! They won't be perfect sites but they'll look reasonably professional when I'm done and I'll have not only the pride of knowing I learned how to do it myself but also the ability to control them as *I* see fit. Sigh. Maybe I'll even start getting some sleep again???

New Business Blog
New Special Interest Blog Site

"Totally Bodacious Sewing Academy for Girls"

2011-01-30T10:06:00.000-08:00

My sister has a super-amazingly-creative neighbor, Cindy, who has started the "Totally Bodacious Sewing Academy for Girls". I knew as soon as I heard about it that it was the PERFECT thing for my craft-loving daughter and her craft-loving friends.

The ladies pose before class

They started two weeks ago and it's been fabulous to see how their creativity has been sparked already. They're learning proper sewing techniques (I'm a self-taught hack) and having a ton of fun doing it. This academy is a whole lot more cool than the 'sew a pillowcase' class I took in the 7th Grade.

Bethany and friend practice sewing straight lines.

I'm sure you've all noticed the resurgence of interest in Home Arts. I actually think blogging has a lot to do with the renewed enthusiasm for being GOOD at making a home. There's just something about seeing NORMAL, non-celebrity types mixing it up in the kitchen or making cool stuff that helps increase your own confidence.

The ladies at work.

In any case, I'm glad my daughter has the opportunity to explore her creative side in classes with 3 of her best girlfriends. Cindy does an awesome job of training the girls and sparking their imagination. Such a great thing for the girls AND a very cool home-business for a "Crafty Mama" like Cindy.

Tool Day

2011-01-26T20:40:00.000-08:00

Last Friday I had the opportunity to attend 'Tool Day' for my children's classes. I guess 'Tool Day' is the new Career Day for the Elementary School set. I was worried that the kids would be embarrassed that MOM came to school but I needn't have. We aren't to that stage yet- thankfully.

Me & the Peeps

I had a great time talking to all the kids I used to 'know' back when I got to volunteer at the school frequently. I miss that. A great part of being a SAHM was having the opportunity to be in the classroom with my children. That presence is so important. As it is, I'll just have to hope they hang on to the memory of it as life has changed.

That's not a regret though. This is going to sound dumb, but I was so RELIEVED to actually have an interesting career to report on. As much as I loved the SAHM years, I cringed every time I had to fill out a form and put 'housewife' or 'homemaker' on it. Like I sort of 'gave up' even though I know I made the very best choice for our family.

Yeah, yeah, I know- don't apologize and all that but I was somebody ELSE before I had kids and I rather missed being something other than 'Mom'. I missed being a person in my own right rather than simply the root of THEM.

I almost have the best of both worlds now but I don't suppose anyone ever gets that 'perfect' mix. As women we really DO get to have it all- we just can't have it all at the same time.

All and all, I'd say it was a great day. My kids said their friends though my job sounded "so cool" and I have the added satisfaction of knowing I only embarrassed my kids "a little bit". Whew!

From Palm Trees to Butt Freeze!

2011-01-20T19:22:00.000-08:00

The Hubs and I had a quick getaway with my folks last weekend. My Dad, a custom cabinet builder, will be doing the kitchen for the rebuild of my friends home. Ann blogs over at West of Zion and she is an amazing, sarcastic and funny lady. You can read about the fire that destroyed their home over at her blog and, if you read it, you'll see exactly why I admire them so much.

In any case, they live in a somewhat warmer climate than we do- woot! We all stood around the new house and just let the sun soak into our bones. Oh how I've missed feeling warm!

We stayed the night down in the on-the-border gambling town with cheap rooms. And new but REALLY cheap beds. The one redeeming quality of the bed is that it was bed bug free (yes, I checked~!). But hey! There were palm trees people, PALM trees! And I only lost $30 in 'stupid tax'. I'm good for another 5 years now.

24 hours later, we were home and headed up to the snow tube lanes at a local-ish resort. The good news is that the temps were warmer than they have been up here. The bad news is that they were too warm and the lanes were mushy and not at all fast. Sad.

We went in a group with 47 of our favorite neighbors which was lots of fun even if the snow wasn't. We did get a raincheck though (literally- it was raining in the mountains in January- unheard of!). We'll go back and try it again in February.

Roll Reversal

2011-01-07T21:36:00.000-08:00

So, had I actually blogged in December, I would have posted about Greg's experience with being "THE MOM". The Hubs gets more vacation than we can afford to use and his work has a 'use it or lose it' policy. That means he gets to burn off a whole bunch of vacation in December.

In the past, it's meant a few weeks of togetherness for the family. Sounds good in theory but after 3 weeks cooped up in the house during the cold, smoggy winter- those last few days we're pushing a suburban version of "The Shining"!

Except this year.

As a 'new employee' I haven't built up much in the way of vacation time so I still went to work on my normal schedule. That left The Dad home to be The Mom. Can I just say I had a ton of fun telling the kids "Don't ask me, ask your Mother!?" I could get used to this passing the buck thing!

What would be really awesome is if I could post hilarious antidotes of all his good intentions run amok. You know, the whole 'The Dad thinks the Mom job is easy then fails miserably when it's his turn' kind of story?

Sadly, the only 'run amok' type incident was when I encouraged him to have some FUN (besides playing his instruments) and the poor critter wasn't sure what to do. So he bought a puzzle. And 2 days later felt IMMENSE satisfaction when he sucked the last of the pesky pieces right off the kitchen table with the Shop Vac! Apparently, puzzles are not as fun once you take them OUT of the box.

So how did this Dad of 3 messy kids spend his Christmas Vacation?

1. Laundry, folded. Check.
2. Junk, decluttered. Check.
3. Kids, entertained. Check. Check.
4. Broken stuff, fixed. Check.
5. A chance to 'show up' the REAL Mom? Mission Accomplished.

Turns out the dude is depressingly competent as a stay-at-home-Dad! I alternate between being thrilled that he is able to take care of the homefront for a few weeks to feeling just a little bit threatened by his (in some areas) superior talents.

So thank GOODNESS before the end of the break he was calling me at work, begging to trade places so he could enjoy some peace and quiet while *I* reigned in the unruly mob at home. Guess I am needed around here after all!

The kids (and friends) managed to outlast him in the end but a reasonably fun and SAFE time was had by all- even if I'm still mopping up the last of the evidence! Of course, Dads (even fill-in-Mom-Dads) don't take a lot of photos so you'll just have to take my word for it!

A Girl Can Always Change Her Mind! (and a little housekeeping)

2011-01-04T21:27:00.000-08:00

In my last post I said that my Word of the Year for 2011 was going to be "ENOUGH". I've already had ENOUGH of that word! There was some sentiment behind it that is compelling for me- as in I don't need any new, big goals this year. Instead I want to take what I have and work to maximize it. Yes, I have "enough" but that just means being cool with where you're at- I still want to grow, just in a different direction. "Enough" as a WOTY is just not motivating enough!

DeAnn, my awesome friend and cohort-in-crime at the Daring Mom/ Mid-Mom Crisis blog, came up with the PERFECT word:

cul·ti·vate

[kuhl-tuh-veyt] –verb (used with object), -vat·ed, -vat·ing.

1.to prepare and work on (land) in order to raise crops; till.

2.to use a cultivator on.

3.to promote or improve the growth of (a plant, crop, etc.) by labor and attention.

4.to produce by culture: to cultivate a strain of bacteria.

5.to develop or improve by education or training; train; refine: to cultivate a singing voice.

6.to promote the growth or development of (an art, science, etc.); foster.

7.to devote oneself to (an art, science, etc.).

8.to seek to promote or foster (friendship, love, etc.).

9.to seek the acquaintance or friendship of (a person).

That's IT! Last year I planted the seeds for things I wanted to accomplish- this year it's time to G-R-O-W my efforts. I didn't chose grow for my word because, given the right conditions, growth is automatic, done without conscious thought. Life doesn't work that way.

Of all the above definitions of cultivate, #3 really jumped out at me:

to promote or improve the growth of (fill in the blank) by labor and attention.

This year I will grow of ALL aspects of my life through labor and attention. I will be literally cultivating plants etc. now that I work for the botanical garden and through my little seasonal business. I will be figuratively cultivating my children, home, friendships and marriage.

Even things which are growing just fine can always grow bigger and more robust when you add a little fertilizer! And now I'm laughing because the 'fertilizer' I am imagining wouldn't work so well to cultivate people! LOL! You get the idea anyway.

The thing about "cultivate" is that everything grows best in it's own season. Attempting to grow plants at the wrong time of year requires tons of extra work, involves a great deal of risk and produces a high rate of failure. This word works for me this year because my life is in a place where I really can put in the care and attention needed to truly 'cultivate'. I am finally in a SEASON of my life where I can do more than just try and keep up (whew! those little kid years are exhausting!), I can actually GROW my own talents, friendships, life without it having too much of an impact on my little family or having a 'hard freeze' wilt my efforts because I eagerly planted too early in this season.

Okay- now that I have that settled in my mind (and beaten the analogy to death!) I can sleep. Thanks for helping me come to just the right word DeAnn! Can't wait to see what trouble we come up with this year!

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Note: DeAnn and I are old college friends (student council geeks) and just 'reconnected' last year through Facebook. You only get just so many friends in a lifetime whom you can go a dozen years without seeing yet pick up right where you left off. We knew each other pre-husbands, pre-kids and pre-weight gain! And now we've been steering each other through the Mid-Mom Crisis over the last year. Love you girl!

Oh- and we just sorta started the Mid-Mom Crisis/ Daring Mom blog. We've been talking about it for a year but, well, you know! Not sure if we're going to do much with it or not so if you think it would be AWESOME to have a 'safe' place to share your OWN dreams, goals and ambitions (or simply discover what they might be) then have some support going after them, leave me a comment and let us know- that will help us decide whether or not it's worth the effort to get the site off and running as we had planned.

Mid-Mom Crisis refers to the 'second phase' of Motherhood, beyond the toddler years but pre-empty nester. However, any woman of any life status who wants to find her passion- AND DARE TO PURSUE those goals would be welcome!

Word of The Year 2010/2011- RESULTS!

2010-12-31T21:50:00.000-08:00

Blog people have good ideas about all sorts of things- which is why I read A LOT of blogs, you just never know where inspiration will come from! I am amazed at the ways God has managed to work in my life through the anonymous kindness of strangers via blog reading/writing.

Last year, a number of my 'blog friends' (and yes, I KNOW how dorky that sounds) did posts in anticipation of the New Year that favored DITCHING specific New Year's Resolutions in favor of a "Word of the Year".

I've always been taught with goal setting that you need to be specific about the goal in order to achieve it. As a result, I've systematically set specific, achievement-oriented goals my whole life. Sometimes with success and sometimes with complete failure (as my bathroom scale can attest) but almost always visible, measurable and sometimes superficial goals.

Still, given the historic failure of New Year's Resolutions, I figured there would be a lot less pressure if I jumped on the "WORD OF THE YEAR" bandwagon everyone else was riding.
In a stress management class we took years ago, we learned a little mantra:

"Lower your expectations and your performance will rise".

I'll be honest. I always took that phrase literally so it seemed lame- of course you will perform better, you lowered your standard! Duh! Well, the DUH was on me. What it REALLY means is that if we are kind and forgive ourselves for 'falling short', we remove the self-placed stumbling blocks from our path and are FREE to really move forward.

With all that in mind, I chose the word:
DARE!!!

I wanted to overcome some of my self-doubt challenges and do the things I desperately WANTED to do but was too worried about failing to actually try. I worried that I wasn't really ENOUGH and didn't want to step out of my comfort zone for fear I would prove myself right. The three exclamation points after DARE!!! denote the 'Triple Dog Dare' because I planned to step it up- big time!
This new WORD OF THE YEAR concept meant that I had to be awake and PRESENT in my life to notice opportunities to DARE!!!- opportunities I sometimes ran away from but more often just flat-out never noticed!

And so, here I am at the end of the year and instead of having to report on how I totally BLEW my weight loss and self-perfecting goals AGAIN this year, I have some pretty fun stuff to report instead!

Ways I Have DARED!!! in 2010:

1. I DARED!!! to change the way I reacted to a major challenge in my life and it in turn changed the nature of the problem which in turn made it possible for me to progress. A huge weight has been lifted from my shoulders! Well, mostly anyway, it'll probably always be a bit of a work in progress.

2. I DARED!!! to overcome my fear of total, humiliating public failure and launched my little design/consult business last Spring at a major public venue. This was a LONG time dream, finally realized. Turns out it wasn't half as scary in real life as it was in my mind! It went well enough that I'll be doing it again this year- and maybe even teaching a class at the event! I'd just be 'filler' but the headlining teachers are HGTV type people!

3. I DARED!!! to help plan a couple of cool public events this past Spring which supported the good works my real-life and blog friends. I am often the leader in things and it was really good for me to take a bit part where the work helped move OTHERS forward on their own path of DARING!!!. Awesome to be a little spoke in their wheels! I'm pretty proud of what my friends have accomplished or sacrificed greatly trying to accomplish. Life isn't always about moving ourselves forward- sometimes we're supposed to be the hand that pushes someone else in the direction of their own dreams.

4. I DARED!!! to be assertive when the opportunity presented itself EVEN THOUGH the pressure and potential for failure had paralized me for many months. I couldn't believe I was being so brave as I heard the words "What I'd REALLY like to do is work here" come out of my mouith- but I did it! I volunteered at this place for several years, proving myself hoping the opportunity would present itself so I was really scared of mis-stepping and blowing it! And guess what? It took 4 months but I am now working there part-time (will still do my consulting gig during the season but this job pays all year 'round!). And I LOVE it. All because I stepped out of my comfort zone and DARED!!!

5. When an unfair situation arose at my children's school, I didn't just shrug my shoulders and say "What can you do?" Instead, I circled the wagons (other parents) and together we DARED!!! to tackle the problem- head on. Got the decision reversed in less than 24 hours. Amazing what a little media pressure will do!

6. We really needed to get enough of the basement finished to move the twins downstairs. Hiring pros (other than the plumber and some basic electrical) was out of the budget. The Hubs only had so much time with, you know, supporting the fam and all that. That left me. I learned (via YouTube) how to mud and tape sheetrock, install bathroom tile etc. etc. We still have some details to finish but the kids are all enjoying their own rooms because I DARED!!! to learn something that intimidated me.

I know there are more examples but they are in less quantifiable and more personal ways that I'm not going to share here. Suffice it to say, it was a year filled with highs and lows, screw-ups and DARING!!! As can be expected in a 'growth year', there were a number of personal challenges that were REALLY tough on me (most of which I didn't publicly blog about). I am just as proud of weathering them as anything else I accomplished this year.

The MOST important accomplishment? "Failing" at two of the things I was trying to accomplish but getting back up and moving forward rather than obsessing over the loss of what might have been. News flash: I CAN handle trying and failing- totally tough enough so I just need to let 'fear of failure' be a thing of the past! Just because everything didn't work out doesn't mean I didn't get a lot out of the process!

I learned this year that the only way to NOT be afraid to do/try something that really matters to you, is to just do it anyway and trust that you are able to handle whatever happens as a result. And so I decided to trust myself to handle the consequences of 'failure' and learned that, while I don't enjoy coming up short, I CAN handle it!

As a result of the WORD OF THE YEAR challenge, I find that I am more content, less fearful, prouder, more confident, have improved my sense of self-worth, increased my sense of purpose and most importantly have experienced MORE JOY! Who knew that one, non-specific word could pack such a punch? I can pretty much guarantee I would not be saying most of that had my goal been to tackle a generic problem (like my weight) on a superficial level. I lowered my expectations, and, low and behold, my performance rose! Dog dang! It works!

Sorry this post is so long and probably boring! This past year has been about moving forward in my life and finding new goals and opportunities. Did that. That's why my WORD OF THE YEAR for 2011 will be:

ENOUGH

as in "I have ENOUGH", "I AM Enough" etc. It will be about being grateful for all that I have and all that I am and I don't know what else- part of the journey is recognizing opportunities to apply the word!

If you DIDN'T get in on the WORD OF THE YEAR craze last year, I'd highly recommend you join in. What word would you pick? How would you implement it in your life?

Hunting Down Holiday Cheer

2010-12-12T23:03:00.000-08:00

As I read my last post a few days after I wrote it- I realized what is missing for me this year and WHY I don't 'feel' that holiday warmth. It was sort of a "DUH!" moment but, well, I can be a slow learner!

I'm sort of a 'Go Big or Go Home' kind of person. That is problematic. Last year I was all 'Go Big' and so far this year, I'm all 'Go Home'. That pesky middle ground can be so elusive!

I THOUGHT I was doing the stuff that brings on the festive feelings- but I wasn't. We've given more financially this year than usual because we can. We were blessed with just what we needed, just when we needed it in the form of a job I love that fits in with our family schedule. As a result, none of our giving thus far has required much in the way of sacrifice. Clearly this is WHY I am not feelin' the love this Christmas! More importantly, none of the giving we've done so far has required a thing from my kids. That is a BIG mistake on my part.

Instead of giving this Holiday Season, I've been hoarding. Not 'stuff' since 'stuff' is now easier to give, but hoarding my time. A form of selfishness that is being passed right along to my kids and we're feeling the effects of that!

And so today was the first day to start fixing the problem. Instead of a quiet day relaxing at home, the girls and I joined my Mom and my Aunt to go visit my 92 year old Great Aunt who is adjusting to her first week in a long-term care home. Doreen is an amazing woman who has been through an awful lot in life but manages to still be a cheerful person and so considerate of others. I was so pleased my own daughters could meet her.

My oldest daughter, Bethany, has a particularly caring and sensitive soul. She is my peacemaker and most aware of the needs of her siblings. As I watched her with Aunt Doreen today, I knew the kids were old enough to engage in a holiday service tradition we had in my family of origin- and we'll be starting that later in the week!

The 'answer' to my lack of Christmas Spirit is that I have been waiting for it to come to ME. Instead, I will now be coming to it! We're gonna hunt down that holiday cheer and not only bring it into our own home but maybe spread some of it too. It will require a little initial discomfort, the sacrifice of time and talents and a little vulnerability from our family but the payoff will be well worth it. (My Hubs gets REALLY nervous when I say stuff like that. Snicker!)

In the past, I have chosen to partake in things that brought on the happiness of the holidays. Now it's time for me to begin teaching my OWN children what that means so that they too can experience the joy that comes with sacrificing for the sake of someone else.

As always, the most obvious answers are the hardest for me to see. I'll have to blog about our little excursion(s) later this week. I hope it makes as much of an impression on our kids as it did to me as a child. Holiday Spirit isn't an emotion, it's an action. Bring it on!

No Go Go in my Mojo

2010-12-07T18:34:00.000-08:00

I've kind of lost my blogging mojo. I'm sure it will return at some point. I need to catch up on Thanksgiving and a host of other things but I just haven't felt like going to all the work to download the photos etc. I'm still here- somewhere.

Anyone else notice that you blog more when things are tough or life is stressful? Life is moving along fairly smoothly these days for us so I guess I need to 'hide' in my blog space a little less and live in my real space a little more.

My blog isn't the only place it's missing- I am feeling decidedly LESS Christmas excitement this year. I don't know why really but I am rather 'eh' about the whole thing. I even let the kids enjoy decorating the tree this year rather than feeling the need to micromanage it so that all ornaments would be placed 'just so'.

I guess the good part of having lost my mojo is that I am contentedly doing LESS this holiday season! I'm not making things for other people this year. I'll still sew some things for my OWN kids but I have not over-committed myself to make all sorts of things for all kinds of people.

Part of me wishes I'd made another gingerbread house for the Festival of Trees this year since LAST YEARS HOUSE turned out well. The Festival was last weekend so, clearly, I didn't end up making one. Eh. It would have been virtually impossible to make one as cool as last year's anyway. I'm a 'one hit wonder' with gingerbread!

I'm trying NOT to jip my kids out of any of the seasonal fun. Last weekend we had the Ward party (church congregation). This weekend we'll have the annual Christmas List Pick Up/ Elf Visit while we are out looking at the lights. It's all a little less exciting because the twins KNOW FOR SURE about the whole Santa thing. Sigh. It had to end sometime- I just hope we can keep it magical for the youngest child who still believes with all her heart.

At some point, I may do some holiday baking. Then again, given that I've been on a 'rapid re-gain' of the weight I lost a few years ago, it may be best to keep that baking to a minimum this year too! Perhaps the 'fat' feeling is part of my unusual lack of enthusiasm?

I'm usually a Christmas freak running about, trying to fit it all in. This year- ambivalence. Weird.

How about you? Are you filled with the excitement of Christmas, in a Christmas funk or, like me, somewhere in between?